i am a Story

The Procession of The Mammals

2012-01-07T15:07:00.000-08:00

The fog had just burned off but a thin level of mist still lingered near the highest point of the redwood trees. The burrows and dens that surrounded the meadow were still occupied by sleeping kits, the parents wetting and grooming their fur, awaiting the somber day. Steven’s widow was unable to sleep; she lay in her straw and pine needle bed for hours, tossing and turning, sleeping for what seemed like hours, only to realize it was mere minutes. Near dawn she would finally give up, briefly leaving the burrow to talk to Steven. She would end each whispered conversation with the mantra “I wish you were here”, at which point her eyes would be painted with tears and her soul overcome with grief. Dixie hoped that after today, he insomnia would be laid to rest along with Steven’s mangled body.
She hopped back into the burrow, her eyes unable to produce any more tears; Dixie went to wake the kits. As she nuzzled the side of they’re cheeks wishing to possess the naivety that her kits had. She ushered her kits to the shallow pond where they brushed their teeth and combed their fur. As Dixie watched her fatherless children prepare for Steven’s funeral, she thought someday, when they have kits and burrows of their own, they will know why my eyes lack the twinkle that it normally possess, they will understand the weight that is upon my heart. Until then I pray they continue to live in bliss unmarred by cynicism or sorrow.
Finally cleaned and prepared Dixie and her kits made their journey to St. Redwood Cathedral.
Dixie hopped along in silence, wrapped up in her thoughts and unable to answer her kits occasional questions. The young family bounced through plains, crossed over streams and finally reached the forest where the service would soon take place. Dixie led her tired kits towards the front of the cathedral.
“Rest dears,” she said “shut your little eyes and I will wake you when things are goin’ start.” The reverend a homely and stoic Badger weary from the previous days and funerals; looked upon Dixie with eyes that said he knew her struggle, pain, and sorrow. He spoke slowly with a low husky growl “Dixie, my condolences to you and the kits.”
“Thank you.”
“All the preparations have been taken care of, please go and rest I will wake you shortly.” The Badger walked toward the altar, brushing away pine needles as he walked. Dixie stared at him and when the Badger looked back, he attempted to smile; but neither Dixie nor the reverend knew it was genuine. Dixie attempted to rest, close her eyes and think of other things; but every image in her head was chased away by the vision of Steven’s tattered body. Her daze was broken by the Badgers low gruff.
“Dixie, Steven has arrived.” In front of the cathedral laid a small cedar coffin, surrounded by white daisies. Partially open, Dixie knew of the horror that rests within, but she longed to have one last view of him. Escorted by the Badger, she walked forward and stopped before the casket. Two vultures perched on the cross at the back of the altar, looking down with humble admiration at their work. Dixie placed her front paws on the lip of the coffin and slowly raised her head to view her deceased husband. With ears hung low, she saw the love of her life lying peacefully beneath a bouquet of purple and white lilacs. His fur was perfectly pressed and groomed, and there were no signs of injury.
“He looks wonderful” she said softly “thank you.” The vultures flew away, not ones for sentiment and who always made it a point not to stay at the funerals. Dixie stared at the coffin, unable to look away and longing to soak in every image should could of Steven. Slightly muffled by the flowers, she could still smell his unique scent, and as she stood there starring, Dixie hoped that Steven would speak to her one last time.
She had so many questions for him.
The Badger softly nudged her; breaking the trance “guests will be arriving soon” he said calmly “you should go wake the kits.” Dixie nodded and hopped down from the casket and moved toward the back.
Slowly the kits awoke from their slumber, with tired eyes and heavy heads. Shortly after the rabbit family stood at the back of the cathedral greeting the guests as they arrived. Friends and loved ones entered the cathedral, offering their condolences to Dixie and her family. All Dixie could say in those moments was “thank you”, as dozens of animals expressed their sorrows. Once Dixie and the kits sat in the front of the cathedral the Badger began the service.
The reverend spoke of sorrow and speculated about the life beyond. He gave comfort as he spoke of Steven’s soul finding peace and he encouraged Dixie to love life as fully as Steven had, “to do so in his memory”. The Badger stepped down and made way for friends and family. There was much laughter and tears as memories and moments were shared. It was completely evident that Steven was a superior creature, one who enjoyed life and love. It was also clear that Steven had depth and many guests mentioned how Steven often spoke of the finer things above.
After the last animal spoke, the choir director silently flew to the front and perched on a stump behind the coffin. As the Owl began to sing, the choir of songbirds flew to the front to join him. Together they sang the old hymn “Woodland Creatures” and soon all guests were overwhelmed by the song of the birds. As the last note was sung, silence fell on the forest. The mighty bull Elk gracefully walked down the isle and bowed at the foot of the cross. As his head hung low, a fox placed a wreath around the Elks massive neck. Dixie and her kits then walked forward and attached a rope to a thick branch within the wreath. With the Badgers blessing, the Elk walked forward and pulled the coffin down the isle and towards the meadow.
One by one the animals filed out of the cathedral, singing ancient hymns of peace and love as they traveled. They reached the meadow just before sunset. Beneath the majestic jagged mountains all was calm in the meadow. Together all the animals surrounded the small shallow grave, placing flowers where Steven would soon be laid to rest. As the last few minutes of daylight remained, Dixie hugged the coffin as the Elk pushed it into the grave. When the sun left the meadow and hid behind the purple mountains, the grave was filled and the wreath worn by the Elk was placed on the fresh dirt. With daylight gone, Dixie and her family began to sing the chorus of Steven’s favorite hymn. As dusk gave way to night, all that could be heard in the meadow was hundred of voices singing:
“woodland creatures
come together
lift your voices.
Allelu.”

Preparations Pt. Two (Emotions)

2011-07-04T22:58:00.000-07:00

I have come to learn that most funerals are not for the deceased, but for the ones who are left. Would Steven really care about the flowers or what color his casket is? Certainly not! It is difficult to know what Steven truly would have wanted, for he died far too young.
Everythin' has been taken care of, the funeral has been planned; but no amount of preparin' for the funeral, prepares you for the funeral. I still cry at night. I still long and wish that he was here. I still wish that it was not Steven who was stuck on the highway. After tomorrow after the service and the wake, nothin' will go back to the way it used to be. I will still be without my love, missin' Steven terribly.

Preparations Pt. One (Logistics)

2011-05-25T09:31:00.000-07:00

It's hard to describe the feelin' ya get when you see the love of your life dead. All of your memories of them flood your senses and you are left with a hollow feelin' deep inside your soul. As I followed the vulture to the tree, I hoped and prayed that this was wrong, that my Steven was alive somewhere, pickin' daisy's for me. As I peeked over the casket wall and saw my beloved Steven layin' there, broken and deformed; I could not help but become overwhelmed with sorrow. My very soul sank lower than it ever has before and the only comfort in that moment, was the soft moss between my large toes.

"Yes that is him." Was all I could say.

"I am so sorry for your loss, you have my deepest sympathy."

"Thank you."

"Now if you would please follow me so we can take care of the preparations."

He lead me to a fallen tree that had four vultures sitting on top of it, talking among themselves. "Excuse me gentlemen. This fine bunny has recently lost a loved one. Can we notify the moles to begin digging the grave? Thank you." And with that, the vultures flew away. "Now miss rabbit, we have many packages to chose from. We have the redwood vista, the bidford bluff, the crawford stream..." I could no longer focus on the words he was sayin'. I had no interest in those packages and neither did Steven. Though we seldom disgust it, when did agree that we would be buried in the meadow just north of our burrow. I always pictured us dyin' together, old and gray, weathered and weary; wise from the litters of kits that we raised. Slowly walkin' by the creek where we would let the kits play. As the seasons rolled by, our bones with get more stiff and troublesome, until finally one day we rest our heads never to wake up, bein' flooded by peace that we lived a grand ol' simple life. But all that is gone, all of those ideals, ruined. It isn't just Steven that I am burying, it is my future and my life.

I finally had to speak up. "Mister Vulture, all these packages sound rather lovely, but I would like to burry Steven in the meadow just north of our burrow, if that is alright?"

The vulture looked confused and with a rather deep voice said "Yes, that would be fine."

The Viewing Inside The Hollowed Tree

2011-05-24T13:50:00.000-07:00

There was a knock on the hollow skeleton tree. I pulled my head from beneath my feathers and saw a lovely little bunny near the exposed root of the tree. I awoke the wake and glided down to the lower perch.

"Good Afternoon there miss, and how many I assist you?"

"Hello" she panted out of breathe. "I am lookin' for my beloved Steven. He didn't come home last night and I'm fearin' the worst, fearin' that he might be in your possession. You wouldn't happen to have any hares that have yet to be claimed, have you?"

I looked at her small fur-lined face and I could sense that she was most vulnerable. I extended my left wing as I said "please follow me to the viewing area". I flew toward the hollowed redwood tree. I landed in front of the opening and hopped inside. The rabbit was hesitant to enter, she appeared fidgety and worrisome. Soft moss covered the floor and four handmade caskets made a U shape within the tree. Each casket was beautifully constructed by the most skilled beavers. The caskets are composed of various twigs and sticks that the beavers find. The insides are lined with grass and moss to ensure comfort for cosmetic sake. I hop toward the casket on the far right. I peer over the edge to ensure that it is in fact the hare we found just north of here. "I am unsure if this is who you are looking for, but you may have a look."

She reluctantly and slowly moves toward the casket of twigs and branches. She appears uneasy as she places her paws on the corner. She looks over the edge and her ears fall, covering the side of her face. She nods her head and says:

"Yes that is him." I offer her my condolences and lead her out of the hollowed tree.

Pentalagus Abandon or The Hares Widow

2011-05-19T10:12:00.000-07:00

We are known for our worrisome habits, we fidget and are constantly tappin' our large feet or front paws. I cannot help it if we simply have too much energy, it is the way we are made I suppose, you know part of our nature. Though it is part of our God-given nature, I am notoriously known for bein' the most hyperactive hypochondriac of all rabbits. So you will understand my reaction when my darlin' Steven did not come back to the burrow on time.

I sat over the kitchen, pacin' and poundin', just waitin' for him to pop into the burrow with his arms full of flowers askin' for some forgiveness sayin' that he will never be late again. So I paced and paced the burrow, tucked the kits in and asked for the lord to give me strength not to kill Steven when he first enters the burrow. I sat right near the entrance, makin' sure that I would see him.

What a thoughtless son-of-a-whoredoe! I thought to myself. I was warned not to get involved with a hare, they are thoughtless and prefer to live above ground in nest. Goodness, can you imagine?! Finally I could not take in anymore, I sprawled our on the dirt and prayed that Steven would be safe. I must have fallen asleep shortly after, for I woke up and the morning had just come. I quickly poked the kits and took them out to go grazing. As they ate, I bounced over to Jackie's burrow.

"Have you seen Steven?"

"Oh Hello Dixie, how are you today?"

"I am just fine Jackie, but have you seen Steven? He hasn't come home yet."

"Oh Dixie darlin' no I am afraid that I haven't. Clyde came home at the usual time last night."

"Well Mornin' Dixie!"

"Mornin' Clyde..."

"Hun, Dixie says that she has not seen Steven all-night, did he say anythin' to you after work?"

"Hmmmm, nope, he said he was comin' right home, didn't want drinks or nothin'. I reckon he had a rough day, Mr. Thimblebrush was being a "jackhole" if ya know what I mean." Clyde said with a chuckle, but I was not in the mood for laughin'. "Well I must be goin' to work, see ya lovely does later!"

"Good-bye hun! I'm awfully sorry Dixie, if you want I can watch the kits, while you go speak with the vultures."

It was in the moment that I was extremely torn. I did not want to consider that the love of my life was dead, the vultures waitin' for me to claim his body. But I knew it was not feasible to search the entire woods to find Steven. If the vultures had him, then at least I had closure.

"Thanks Jackie, I'm gonna go see the vultures, maybe they know what happened to him."

"Alright darlin' you just take your time, no need to rush. If ya need me to watch the kits for another day, just let a bluejay know, they are the most reliable messenger birds."

"Certainly Jackie, I will do just that. See you later."

And with that I set out towards the old skeleton tree, to see if the vultures knew where my lovely Steven is.

Cathartes Aura or The Wake of Vultures

2011-05-18T11:44:00.000-07:00

People think we are no good scavenger birds, eating the remains of the deceased as if it is a delicacy. Those people are wrong, trust me.

We do not fly around in large circles looking for our next meal. Instead, we are circling so we can give those poor passed animals, a proper burial. We are not ugly buzzards, but rather the funeral homes of the animal kingdom. We are the grave diggers to all creatures, great and small.

One morning, right after the last rain of spring, my venue and I, were circling above the highway. You must forgive me, for I do not know the technical name for the road, for I (like many birds) am illiterate. It is a shame for I hear the badgers and moles discuss the most interesting literate. I digress. As we circled above the road right behind the bend that is surrounded by overlapping oak trees; we came upon a deceased hare, his dignity splattered about the pavement. We circle down and the wake consumes the asphalt. We assess the damage. The poor creature did not stand a chance. It must have been some reckless human teenagers, whipping around the corner at speeds greater than 55mph. The hare was probably late for dinner, his wife eager for him to return and play with the bunnies; and he did not see the speeding teens. Collision and the only causality was a member of the animal kingdom.

The wake and I clean up the victim and take him back to our nest. We send some other birds before us to begin funeral preparations. We return to the nest and place the hare in a lovely casket made of cedar and lined with the softest grass. We place a bouquet of lavender and lilacs. We then await for the family to come and pick up the deceased.

This Stagnant Place and Time

2011-05-12T12:00:00.000-07:00

I am in a weird stage in life. Many of my friends are getting engaged or having infants, while the other half are still in college and attempting to figure out what to do for the summer. I attend a small group where most of the people are older than me. As we go around talking about our weeks, they remark about how work is or how they are looking for a new house. When I call my friends at Biola, they discuss how classes are and the papers they must write or the exam they must study for. I feel out-of-place while speaking with both parties. I don't belong in college and I don't belong in the grown-up world.

Often there are times when I want to fast forward, move forward till I'm happily married with a Shiba Inu puppy; but alas I cannot. I am fighting this monster of discontent, a battle with a beast that tells me I need to be somewhere else at someplace else in time. That I need to be older or long for the past. That I must pine for a place to call home. That I am not satisfied with what I have. I feel like a bastard bitchy brat, stomping my feet, causing a ruckus, demanding that things be different, and that things change for me. In this war, the beast of discontent is winning.

It is so hard to make friends with post-college people, they are so foreign and boring. Their humor is different, they are settling down, the fun seems to be sucked out of them. No more late nights, no more spontaneous adventures, no more sneaking into hotel swimming pools, theme parks, museums, or zoos. If becoming boring is what happens when one gets married, then I refuse to be wed! I will have a domestic partnership and forgo the whole ceremony. It appears that post-college individuals associate themselves and their identities in their careers. I do not want my job to define me, I want to have more to speak of rather than what happened at work or what my job is like.

I suppose the reason why I am so discontent, is because I know that there are better things out there. There is a better place to live, there is a better place to work, there are better ways to spend my time. I just feel stagnant, not moving towards something. But one poses the question: is it possible to be stagnant when so much of your character is growing?

Dear Landlady,

2011-05-11T12:39:00.000-07:00

Not even Gaston goes stomping around wearing boots at 6:20 in the morning.

Not Cryptic But Honest

2011-05-08T22:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers,

I am going to be honest, vulnerable, and I might even cry as I write it. I am going to attempt to sum up the past four months, it will be lengthy; but I need to get this off of my chest and my mind. So here it goes.

Moving to Seattle has been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Yes it is great to see Grace every day and to spend time with her, but still there are times when I am so lonely. I am so lonely here, I have no friends and I don't know what to do with myself at times. It is hard making friends. It is hard to make new friends, because there is no way to replace my old ones. I cherish my old friendships like a child cherishes his favorite stuffed animals. So many memories connected to them, there is no way to replace them.

Sometimes I just miss everything. I miss my friends at Biola, my family, being home, seeing movies with my dad, being able to talk to my parents, warm breakfast. The list goes on and on. The weight of what I was leaving behind hit me when I was driving up to Seattle.

We just made it into Oregon and as I thought about what I was leaving behind, the prospects of crafting a new life, I began to cry. I felt so scared, sad, lonely, and overwhelmed. I cried for a while, it seemed that every Sunday preceding my departure was marked by me shedding tears on my current state. I've gotten better, I stopped crying so much, I don't know what has made me stop, but I have (for the most part).

Where I live is awful. The walls are paper thin and since I live in a basement, I can hear all the footsteps upstairs. And since I live below the kitchen, I am awoken at 6am when someone is making breakfast. Not only that, but my landlady, wears orthopedic clogs, hence creating a thunderous noisy at 6am while she makes her waffles (I presume). It also isn't safe where I live, and instead of the landlady getting a security system, she locks us out to ensure that no burglars break in. And to make matters worse, the burglars have been breaking into houses through the basement. So there are nights when I cannot sleep because I am afraid of two armed robbers breaking my window and attempting to steal my macbook. I don't care if they take my stuff, it is the fact that my home and security has been violated. Thankfully, there has been no more break ins in the neighborhood, but still it is unsettling.

The weather has been less than ideal and I just want the sun to shine and the rain to be over.

Live has been hard, so many ups and downs it is truly difficult to express to someone just how much I have changed and how hard life has been.

I hope that this hard time is over and I want the sun to shine and to live with people that I love and who love me. I want to be pursuing something that I care about and to have my career be moving in some sort of direction. I hate how some nights I can't sleep because there is just too much on my mind and heart that I can't find rest. I went to bed at 4am the other night, just because this mind wouldn't slow down. I just want things to change. I want to be able to see my family more often or to have friends that I can spend time with. I struggle with contentment, but I truly just wish this period was over.

Looking for a Change.

2011-05-02T12:45:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure I like the world I live in,

or the time I live in

or the country I live in.

We live in a culture that is so obsessed with celebrities and weddings. The internet and news buzz with what dress she is going to wear and how much it costs. Too much money is spent on unnecessary things.

Give money to people and causes, not to expensive cars, dresses, or jewelry.

People in the city are too busy. Men in suits yell at women in wheelchairs because their van is "blocking their way out". People are so rude, mean, inconsiderate. I get so many dirty looks for driving the speed limit, scowls and head-shakes, for driving safely.

People are not an inconvenience.

We are so wrapped up in technology, we don't care about face to face interaction.

During Christmas, my grandparents mentioned how families used to place a candle in the window, to let anyone who needed a place to stay or a warm meal know that they are welcomed.

No one does that anymore, cords and wires are going to be our coffins.

No one writes letters anymore.

People are developing robots that are more personable, so that humans would long for their companionship. It makes me sick to think that someone would rather interact with a machine, then a living breathing human being.

People think that reading and writing 160 characters = connection; false.

We think that "liking" something will suffice for human connection; false.

We have lost our way.

I wish we would spend more time and effort into figuring out how to help the world; instead of searching for the next great singer.

Lets have contests to create a successful, beneficial, nonprofit. We could call it "The Cause" or "Searching for the Next Humanitarian". We wouldn't have a panel of celebrity judges, but instead leaders and citizens from impoverished areas, the ones who truly need it, vote and select a winner.

Let us leave notes of love and encouragement on cars, instead of passive aggressive threats.

Lets not be afraid to smile at strangers or to thank people for letting us into traffic. Let us talk to the person sitting next to us on the bus, train, or plane; and not play with our iGadgets.

Lets train young men to help and heal and not to fight and kill.

Let us not be afraid to show our hearts and to live and stand for something greater than ourselves.

Let us come home early from work, so that we can spend time with our friends and family.

Let us not take home our careers, instead separating the two, always placing family above work.

Let us read more books and watch less reality television.

Let us go outside.

Let us care less about how large our bank account is and instead, care about how many friends we have.

All is not lost, we just need to posses the longing to change.

4/29/11

2011-04-29T12:28:00.000-07:00

He was not made for waiting. Pacing back and fourth. Wanting news, any news. Whether good, or bad. Just to know, he just wants to know.

He logs in. He refreshes the page. Over and over. Over and over and over. Until it drives him mad with frustration. Why can't he know?! He wonders, ponders. The jitters and anxiety rule his mind. He needs distraction, anything to help him not think about what could be lurking in his in-box.

He is tired from all the anticipation, it is like wanting for a Christmas, that never seems to come.

I Could Have More Days Like This

2011-04-08T19:25:00.000-07:00

This emo indie rock band playing

the sun slowly setting

the grey clouds crawling in

in this semi busy coffee shop

with blenders buzzing

and a pretty lady studying

textbook out, highlighter ready,

wearing red glasses

and a simple hoodie.

The puget sound right before us

and the city sky-line to the right

mountains to the left

perfection

I wouldn't change a thing.

As I think about the day, the sun being out, being warm, being bright.

As I think about

riding bikes, swerving and crashing into each other.

A day of free food, very very very thin pancakes, coffee and perchance some seafood

perfection,

it all is perfection.

I am unemployed, I have no idea, not the slightest flippin' clue

as to what will happen to me,

in the coming days, coming months, coming years

frick me, it is overwhelming.

But I am happy with the unknown, the bliss though there is stress

it will all work out

I am on an adventure,

with an incomplete map

a semi-functional compass

and a spirit eager to soak it all in

and ride the Wind and the Wave

where every it takes me.

Protestor

2011-04-06T13:52:00.001-07:00

There was a protest a block from my apartment today. I wanted to be on TV and be interviewed by the news.

"So what are you doing here?"

"I am protest the budget cuts and the raising of state university tuition. We need to lower state tuition! Give more money to cool and bring peace to Lybia!"

I wanted to hold a sign, march around chanting and yelling against the oppressing, those monsters who are cutting budgets and raising fees.

I wanted to watch the mob yell their angst to anyone and everyone who would listen.

I wanted all this and more, so I went.

I rode my bike to the washington statue and much to my surprise there were no TV cameras, no flashing lights, no protestors; just some people standing around smoking and a hipster, under a tent playing anti-war music.

I was confused and I waited. I checked my watch, it was 12:02, the rally started at 12:30. Perhaps I was overeager, showing up too early. I am not aware of proper picketing etiquette and perhaps people casually waltz in five minutes before the protest begins.

I did not want to wait, so I left.

Fired

2011-04-05T16:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was let go

and here are the list of jobs I am going to apply for

-dog walker

-janitor

-dancer (nude and non-nude)

-pawner

-street performer

-cat washer

-garbage man

-televangelist

-postal worker

-ghost hunter

-pet psychic

-bodyguard

-bum

2011-04-03T20:21:00.000-07:00

Don’t let his appearance bother you, look forward, but don’t ignore him. Put a look on your face that says: “I’m so sorry, I really wish I could help, but all I have is a debit card.”

He’s staring at me, judging me, asking me why I am not reaching over into the center consul and giving him a quarter, a few dimes, and two pennies. What is wrong with me? Is what his eyes are asking.

He is so frail, weathered, and old. Unlike driftwood smooth from the oceans bashing, he is rough, course, with tangled hair, and sad eyes.

I wish this light would change, the seconds feel like hours. I drive away, I try to shake my thoughts, but they fall back into my head; flakes in a snow globe. Should I go back? Honestly what can I do? Give a man a fish…I’d only feed him for a day. Why is he on this street corner, why is he holding a sign, why isn’t he out there attempting to make something of his life? Why I am suddenly responsible for this man and his current state? Why do I feel this guilt, this guilt for just driving away and not offering him lunch, or at least the quarter, a few dimes, and two pennies that sit next to me; selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish, selfish.

Was God testing me? Did I fail, because I didn’t throw open my door and say “come on ol’ chap, let’s get some steak!” will I never reach sainthood because I just sat in my car and tried to listen to music? There is just too many of them, too many standing on street corners asking for money or food. Begging notes, made from cardboard and scribbled with sharpie. Where does one get those supplies? There is just too many of them, it is overwhelming.

What is worse, to not help him, not give him food; or to help him only to remove some deep-seeded guilt? The least of what you did for these brothers, you did for me.

I must find a way, to not be overwhelmed by guilt, to understand that I cannot help everyone and yet still have compassion.

As my car reaches 45 miles-per-hour, I gain control of my thoughts and the guilt it flees; until I reach another street corner with a homeless man staring at me.

A Life Resume

2011-03-25T19:46:00.000-07:00

Life is more than a job,

Life is more than money,

Life is more than a big house, nice car, and the newest television.

Life was made for experiences,

for people, places, adventures.

Life is full of troubles and trials, there will be tears, there will be pain.

But with each tear that falls, we grow.

As cheesy as it sounds,

tears water the soul.

It is with trials and struggles that we will grow.

This post is littered with cliches, but I believe they are true.

I don't want to work in a stagnant job, with no hopes of promotion, no way to move up.

I want to be part of something that is bigger than me, something that makes a difference.

I am learning, that the most rational and commonsense thing is often not what is best for us.

Take chances.

Make mistakes

Get messy.

I have no idea what will happen to me in the future,

but I would rather build a resume of life

for that I'm learning

is what's right.

On a Sunday I Feel

2011-03-13T20:29:00.000-07:00

Sad

There is something about Sunday nights that makes me feel sad.

Maybe it's knowing that the weekend is over and that come tomorrow I will have to work for the next five days.

Maybe it is the idea that Sunday nights in the past were spent with friends and family. While at Biola, my friends and I would gather in a room, work on the homework we still needed to get done and just relax.

Or perhaps it is the fact that its been raining all day and the rain makes me sad.

I don't know why the rain makes me sad, it always has.

When it's raining, all I want to do is to sit in the chair on Oregon Way, while a nice warm fire flickers before me.

All I want in that moment is to be in my bed, laying peacefully, in my bed listening to the rain.

I just want this place to feel more like home.

It is a mixture of all those things that contribute to my sadness on this Sunday night.

Puzzling Puzzles

2011-03-09T13:47:00.000-08:00

A new "hobby" of mine is putting together puzzles. While at work I will open the cupboard and pull out a 100 piece puzzle, pour the contents onto the table and begin to assemble them. I find it equal parts relaxing and frustrating. I tend to have no rhyme or reason as to how I assemble the puzzles and instead of looking at the box I haphazardly attempt to connect pieces that are clearly not suited for each other; but I feel this unforeseen pressure to construct the puzzle as quickly as humanly possible. I am not Elaine Lewis and thus it takes me quite a while to finish the puzzles, if I even do.

It is quite fitting that this new hobby of mine has come along at this present time and I do not think it is mere coincidence. I currently am attempting to construct the puzzle that is my life. It is overwhelming and tiresome and I just want everything to be figured out right now! I look at the table and I see all of the pieces scattered and I cannot help but wonder when and how everything will workout. Since graduating life has been a haze. There is a general direction that I am moving, but many changes have occurred but nothing is set in stone.

While at work, I cannot never finish a puzzle on my own. Maybe it is a lack of practice or technique or maybe it is the idea that we are not to construct puzzles on our own. I forget that I am not alone in this, that I have someone putting the pieces together exactly as they should go. I want complete control though, I want to know exactly what is to happen; but I cannot. It is puzzling and many times I sit and wonder what will happen. There is no telling right now and even though I am eager to figure it all out I cannot force things to happen and instead I need to be patient and wait for things to happen as they are supposed to.

Queen Anne, Get Over Yourself

2011-02-17T13:12:00.001-08:00

It all started a few weeks ago. I got a note on my car that said "please do not park on my grass!" a reasonable enough request, for I myself would prefer to have my grass free from tire tracks. I honored the request and ensured that I did not make the same mistake twice.

A week and a half later, I received another note on my car that said

"Please do not park in my spot! I have been parking here for the past 10 years and I have little kids that need to get in and out of the car safely!" though there are aspects of this request that seem reasonable, the note still infuriated me. First, it is a public street and no one is designated a parking spot. You may prefer to park in front of your house, but the city does promise you a spot. I have a parking permit for Zone 6, but that only ensures that I am a resident and protects me from being fined; it does not ensure me nor designate me a parking spot. Though it seemed ridiculous, I honored the request nonetheless and ensured that I did not park anywhere near that house again.

A few days later, I received another note stating "please make sure your bike rack is not sticking in my driveway!" or something to that nature. At this point, I was so annoyed by all of the notes and request, that I took it with a grain of salt, for I know for a fact that my bike rack left plenty of room for the residents to safely back-out of their driveway. Nonetheless, I honored the request and ensured that I stayed off the grass, away from their spot, and out of their driveway.

This whole interaction has made me paranoid, that everywhere I go, notes will be placed on my car due to my shammy parking (even though I am a highly respectable parker). I thought I was doing fine, no notes in two weeks, staying away from spots, grass, and driveways.

Then the doorbell rang.

I answered the door and there stood a man in his late 60s, mustached and wearing a drivers cap. His glasses tinted from the sun and the thin frames took up half his face.

"YOU COME HERE." He demanded, "I WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOU PARKING YOUR CAR". He then lectured me for more than 2 minutes, talking about how I parked wrong in this area and how this person needs that spot. I received a breakdown of all the neighbors and their conditions.

"She has cancer so she can't park in her driveway. She has young kids so she likes to park in front of her house."

He then told me how the lady almost took off my bike rack because it was blocking her driveway. He brought me outside in the cold and showed me my flaws in parking, instructing me on what to do in the future. He told me that I have pissed a lot of people off and then mentioned how I used to park down the street which was fine because I am young. I apologized and said that it is not my intent to make people angry and he said thats fine and that he understand that the residents are good Christian people that mean no harm. I then moved my car down the street and let him take his rightful place.

This whole situation frustrates me to no end. I have the right to park wherever the hell I want! Yes it is rude to park on the grass and take up driveways, I understand, but also these people need to get the bleep over themselves. They have lived in privilege all their life, they are old and wealthy and don't understand normal practices. The man mentioned that the neighbors don't hate me, I've just pissed them off. These people are crazy and I have no doubt in my mind that they would tow my car if I continued my parking practices.

But honestly, who cares. Yes it is annoying when you can't find parking or someone takes your spot; but there is much more to life than cars, items, and whatever privileges you think you have. These people must have meetings, talking about my parking, making notes and taking pictures. If they spent half as much time as they have writing notes and tracking me down to lecture me and instead spent it helping a neighbor or feeding the homeless; then how much better would Seattle be? This whole thing is stupid and life should not be spent working over petty things.

Like water off of a ducks back, I'm letting it roll off of me.

Queen Anne, get over yourself

YMCA In Practice

2011-01-24T09:28:00.000-08:00

In order to be employed at a before and after school program, one needs to go through what they call in the biz an in-practice interview, which is essentially going to the program and hanging out with the kids. The purpose is so the supervisors can witness who you are around the children and determine if you will be a proper fit for the program.

On Wednesday, I had my in-practice interview at the YMCA, here is how it went.

The day before I was told to arrive at the YMCA at 3 p.m. with a short game in mind and that I would be with the kindergarden through first graders. I brought my guitar so we could play a game where when I played the guitar the kids danced and when I stopped they had to freeze. I went to the office, ripped off my politically offensive stickers on my case and was handed an XL bright orange YMCA shirt.

I followed the women who interviewed me and we entered the classroom the spelled of feet and cheese (apparently it was make-your-own-pizza-bagel day). We were not even in the room more than four seconds, when all the kids started chanting "RACHEL, RACHEL, RACHEL!" until Rachel instructed them to stop. She then announced who I was.

"Alright kids, this is my friend Nathan and today he will be hanging out with you and playing some music." After this the kids began to crowd around me telling me things like:

"my dad plays guitar" and "there's a Nathan in my class at school".

I took the bathroom pass and put on the immensely oversized t-shirt. As I swam in the pumpkin hue cotton I instructed the kids to sit down and that we were going to play a game. I played guitar and the kids danced around like ballerinas and robots. After the game was over all of the kids wanted my autograph (for reasons still unclear to me) and so for free time I stood in the center of the room, while fifteen first graders all lined up asking me to sign various pieces of paper. After I signed my name, they would get back in line and have me sign the paper again.

That lasted a while, then the kids did homework.

After homework, it was time to clean up, so I wandered around the classroom telling kids to pick up paper, pencils, or whatever. It was during this time that one of the kids came up to me and whispered "Reid is eating a pencil". I look over and see this kid, wearing a puffy yellow jacket and sticking a pencil in his mouth. As I walked over, he quickly pulled the pencil out of this mouth and looked as if I caught him in the act of murder. I told him that he shouldn't eat pencils and that he should probably throw it away. He didn't listen and he walked away from me.

After the kids went to the gym to play a game, we came back to the classroom and I was told to get the kids to sit down and do some handclap exercise with them. I got them all to sit down and then we played charades and they were surprisingly good at it.

After two plus hours, I handed out roughly twenty-five autographs and was given one picture drawing of myself.

I'm unsure if I got the job, but at least the interview was fun and interesting.

I will report later as to how my in-practice goes with L.A.S.E.R.

From the Space Needle with love

-NH

Seattle Adventures Week 1

2011-01-23T09:27:00.000-08:00

A week ago, I moved to Seattle. It has been something I've wanted to do for a while, so the prospects of it actually happening were surreal and on the drive up I continued to remark "I can't believe I'm moving to Seattle". It is odd and I'm still getting used to it. I keep having this feeling that I am only visiting for a weekend and come Monday I will have to leave; part of that comes from a lack of routine as well as the unfamiliarity of life here.
This has been quite an adventure, that much is true.
The past seven days have been filled with going to job interviews (everyone please pray right now that I get the job at L.A.S.E.R), driving around, getting lost, and dealing with graduate school.
The people I am staying with are very nice and it seems like 95% of the people they know, have a house key, or know where the spare is located. Yesterday morning I walked into the kitchen to find a man pointing at me, thinking I was someone else. It was strange and I did not know how to respond at first, so when I say a finger pointing at me, I pointed one back. The day before I heard the door unlock to find a young women going into the office to work on things. It is hard to keep tabs on these people, so I've given up trying to do so.
The hardest part about this whole adventure has been this: though I am completely grateful to be staying here, I need a new place to live. I need to live with people my own age or around it. I need to be able to make friends and have a community of people here I can trust, it is what will make it feel more like a home. But in order to find a new place, I need to get a job so I can pay rent. As previously stated, I have had some interviews this past week (three to be exact) and out of those three, there is only one place that I want to work. It's called L.A.S.E.R and I would be a before and after school counselor to about 15-20 kids. It would be so perfect for me and a great way to make connections with schools up in the area. I really, really, really, want the job so if you are the praying type, please shoot up a prayer to the big G on behalf of me. I go in tomorrow for an in practice interview, so pray that that goes well and that they love me.
It is great not being long distance and so great to see Grace everyday, she is totally worth moving up here.
Lastly, a little over a week ago I had to close my bank account because the nearest branch was 1 hour and 30 minutes away and I couldn't justify that. So I closed my account and opened a new one, but until yesterday I had no way to access my money of the account. So I've been going around with a huge wad of cash in my backpack in order to pay for things. I got my ATM cards yesterday so no more of that.
Things are good, but they could be better, and right now I just have to wait for God to provide.
From Seattle with Love
-NH

And Remember, Also, That

2011-01-13T20:08:00.000-08:00

"Many places you would like to see are just off the map and many things you want to know are just out of sight or a little beyond your reach. But someday you'll reach them all, for what you learn today, for no reason at all, will help you discover all the wonderful secrets of tomorrow."
-Norton Juster, The Phantom Tollbooth

Nara Had a Dreamland

2011-01-05T09:07:00.000-08:00

I have a new fascination these days, it's called Urban Exploration, and in a nutshell, it is the act of exploring abandon buildings (museums, hospitals, factories, etc) and theme parks.

This all started when I stumbled across an article about the prospects of Disneyland being shut down and abandon. I thought about how the happiest place on earth would look with overgrowth and vines crawling up the sides of Toontown and Space Mountain. It seemed impossible, but also likely to happen. The article mentions how a large earthquake could decimate parts of the park, if not all of it and that it would costs too much to rebuild and maintain it. Although I highly doubt that Mickey is in a pinch for money (he is in fact spending over $14 billion dollars on remarking sister park Disney California Adventure) but another factor that the author mused would close down the park; was lack of relevancy. I believe that it is highly unlikely that Disneyland will close its doors and never open, but still the idea is highly intriguing.

Naturally many commented on the article and within the stack of opinions, I learned of a place that lit the fire of Urban Exploration in me; that place is Nara Dreamland.

Built in 1962, Nara Dreamland was modeled after Disneyland and in 2001 closed its doors for good. The images of the park are creepy and haunting. Rides are now ruins and weeds have taken over the pavement.

Last week I was walking around the ruins of the Sutro Baths in San Francisco and as I walked around the thought crossed my mind that "nature always wins".

Looking at the pictures of Nara Dreamland and other ruins, I begin to see the might and power that is in natural world. What humbles me is that even though mankind can build a skyscraper 100 stories tall, an earthquake can bring it down in a matter of minutes. Mankind can build theme parks, constructing complex rides and shops; yet when the doors close, trees will crack the pavement and vines with storm the castle.

Thinking about the power of nature, reminds me of how small I am. The ocean terrifies me, for it is much stronger than me. Though I love seeing a tiger in a zoo, if I were to stumble across one while walking down the street, I would be petrified.

I think that often times we as humans think that we are on the same level as God, but that is far, far, from true. There is this great divide, between us in God in respect to power and majesty. We will never contain this power, nor will we even be able to contain a fraction of his power. God is far more complex then us, His depth we will never truly know on earth; and that I love.

When I walk around buildings that once were, I begin to think about what it would be like to visit that place in its prime; but I am also reminded of my short and fleeting life.

For more on Urban Exploration, check out these links:

Opacity

Urban Explorers Network

And to learn more about Nara Dreamland go to:

Abandon Kansai

Brand Knew Me

2010 In Review

2010-12-30T22:21:00.001-08:00

With only one day left in 2010, I thought it would be fitting to give a year in review for 2010. So without further ado, here is 2010 in review.

Favorite Books:

The Hobbit

You Shall Know Out Velocity

Favorite Concert:

Sufjan Stevens

Favorite New Artists:

Cataldo

Andrew Bird

Favorite Albums:

My Dinosaur Life by Motion City Soundtrack

The Age of Adz by Sufjan Stevens

Fang Island by Fang Island

Weathervanes by Freelance Whales

Sidewalks by Matt & Kim

The Lonely Forest Ep by The Lonely Forest

(e)vening by Mae

Of Men and Angels by The Rocket Summer

Pep Rally by Hoodie Allen

Biggest Achievement:

Graduating from Biola

Worst Working Conditions:

Whisper Canyon

Favorite Songs

It Is Well by Seattle University Worship Arts Ensemble

Bloom by Mae

Cameras by Matt & Kim

Hills and Valleys by The Rocket Summer

The Weakends by Motion City Soundtrack

Oh Just A Song by I'll Fly Away

I Don't Want to Live There by The Lonely Forest

The Thought That Gives Me The Creeps by Hellogoodbye

That's all I can think, Happy New Year Ya'll!

The Lengths I Go

2010-11-08T07:51:00.001-08:00

One thing I hate about Biola is when a class requires you to use Biblical Commentaries. With a lack of quality commentaries online, one is forced to go to one place...The Library. The commentaries in the library cannot be checked out or as I learned on Saturday, put on hold; the commentaries are on a "first come first serve" bases which causes me further annoyance.
My goal this semester was to never go to the library, to go the entire semester without having to sit in that cold, silent, dimly lit place; where I feel out of place and I'm the only white male for miles. A few weeks ago I realized this goal would not be accomplished thanks to my Methods of B.S. class. And so a few weeks ago I worked in the library for a few hours, left hoping and thinking that I would never have to return again; little did I know that Methods of B.S. would force me to return to those walls.
On Saturday I woke up, ate brunch, then headed straight to the library. I knew that arriving to the library right as it opened would assure two things: first, that I would be able to locate four useful commentaries and second, that I would find a nice spot in the sun to work on the assignment. I walked through the door, scanned my card, and headed straight towards the commentaries.
After gathering four commentaries on 2 Timothy, I headed to a nice sunny spot and worked on my assignment.
Note: this assignment will literally take forever and Jesus will most likely return before it is completed.
I sat there and worked on the assignment, changing Pandora stations, while utilizing commentaries and class notes to write the paper. After three hours I was only half way done (I wasn't kidding about the taking forever thing) and I needed a break. My plan was this: put the commentaries on hold, go back to my apartment, rest, get dinner, then return to the library to finish the assignment. This seemed like a grand plan (doing homework on a Saturday night is what you do when you are a graduating senior) but I was unsure if I could actually place the commentaries on hold; so I went to investigate.
I asked the sheepish, awkward student at the desk if it was at all possible to place commentaries on hold. She confirmed my fears, I could not. Angry and determined to keep these commentaries, I began to think as I walked back to the desk.
Here is my thought process:
these commentaries are useful and I want to keep them
but it is too much work to write down all their names
and the chances of them being here when I return are slim
and I don't want to copy down everything in them,
that will take too long.
So this leaves me with only one choice
I will hide them.
I packed up my things and began to locate a location where I could hide these commentaries until I return. I knew that the main level, would not suffice, due to the heavy traffic and no adquate place to hide; and the top level would not suffice due to the same reasons. That left me with one choice The Basement.
I picked up the books, walked down the stairs and began scoping out the basement for a proper hiding place.
I went to the far corners of the basement, walked up and down it's halls, to no avail. I located an excellent location but alas there was a student working; thus no good. Finally I found a place.
There before me were two shelves full of teacher prep course materials. I thought to myself "the likelihood of someone using these materials this weekend are highly unlikely. This is an excellent hiding spot." So I walked before the shelf and found two large wooden boxes on the ground. I opened the box and found that it was perfect for placing items in it; and so I did.
I then left and returned to my apartment to rest before I return to the library.
It was at this point that I began to wonder something, I wondered when the library closed. I looked on the website and the library closes on Saturday at 6pm. Knowing there was no way I would return to go work for an hour and a half, I determined I would continue the assignment on Sunday; only to find out that Sunday's library hours are 6 to midnight. Knowing this would not work, I delayed my assignment until Monday (which is today).
I have no idea if those commentaries are still there and when I came back to my apartment I realized that I could just use four more commentaries and I would be fine. But in that hiding treasure like moment, I felt I made all the closet pirates at Biola proud.

Thoughts on a Plane

2010-11-01T12:17:00.000-07:00

Somewhere, over someplace. Patches on the ground lake formations and mountain peaks. Snow frost some of the tips of the ranges while all else is black or tan. Not even birds see this height, only angels, God’s, and plane travelers. Down there, can they see me? is this machine a speck in the sky? A shadow on the ground? Or just an concept, idea, a giant steel bird that soars in the sky. I can see for miles, I have no idea what it is, what state or anything, but I can see for what seems to be for days. So much geology, rivers, mountain, and lakes; oh the wonders of earth.

I met a nurse, a cpa, and a frantic man trying to catch his plane to Alaska. The man, so frantic, so worried; his flight leaves at 8 and he watches the clock in hopes that he will make it.

New Heart Community Church

2010-10-22T18:36:00.000-07:00

To say this church was polar opposite to Family First Church of Whitter is an understatement.
I walked towards the rented banquet hall of a neighborhood gold course and was handed a small one page bulletin. I could have fit 10 or more of these bulletins within the one I received at the previous church. I walked into the room where the service would take place. There sat less than 100 chairs, and four people leading music. No electric guitars, no brilliant light show, no massive screen with colorful pictures displaying the lyrics with moving backgrounds; no this church was simple.
I arrived 5 minutes before the service started and talked to one of the greeters and I explained that I was visiting all the churches in the area to see what they were like. I told him of the last church I attended and the contrast between that previous one and New Heart. He told me that they had a chance to own a building, but decided that their money would be better spent on missions and thus continued to rent the banquet hall.
Everyone there was family and they talked to one another about the events that happened that day before. Nothing against mega churches, but there is something more beautiful about true community, there is a beauty in intimacy and I saw it at New Heart. It isn't about numbers and the church was meant for community, not an overwhelming sea of people. New Heart has made me think twice about this whole trying to visit other churches thing, I want to go back there, the community the simplicity of it all is wonderful and I truly wish I knew of it sooner.

Heroes, Triumph.

2010-10-15T10:40:00.000-07:00

The most triumph part of a story, is when the hero gets the upper hand; over the seemingly impossible to defeat villain. Prior to this, the villain was a hulking monstrosity, vicious and victorious.
All seemed hopeless and lost, how would the hero be able to defeat this villain? How will he find triumph and victory?
His fellow travelers and friends rally alongside the hero and together they charge the villainous creature. The heroes comrades do not hold back, but fight with strength and valor stand victorious slaying the villain.
The fear and darkness subsides and together the heroes walk into the sunlight, for the greatest joy is like the sunrise.

10.14.10

2010-10-14T12:57:00.001-07:00

For the first time in weeks
I am excited about the future,
of what's to come.
This stems from knowing
that God is a genius
and He has
an excellent plan;
and placing my trust
in Him

Sedona Girls

2010-10-12T08:55:00.000-07:00

Every summer my home church goes on a trip to Arizona. During one of the last days, we go to Sedona for lunch, some swimming, and cliff jumping. After dunking some in the name of Jesus, we all migrate to the cliffs where we will jump.
Without fail, the rocky beach is full of spectators, those who do not want to enter the cold water or jump the cliffs. With half on the shore the other half swim towards the cliffs.
Every year without fail there is some girl who is too scared to jump. This girl, stands at the cliffs watching the parade of people take the plunge before her. She is asked "are you going to jump?" to which she sheepishly replies "no". She stands there for what seems like hours, assessing, pondering, and wondering, On the shore, we sit pondering and wondering if she will jump. We feel for her, she stands there so awkwardly, so timid; we want her to jump to face her fears and leap off of the stone she is standing on.
Lately I can relate.
Currently I am in a place where I need to trust God with a lot of big things. With the future zeroing in and so much still unknown, it is apparent that I need to trust Him for it is all I can do.
So like a girl in Sedona, I stand on the cliff edge waiting to summon the courage to trust. As I stand there, my thoughts and hers are the same. "What will happen to me? Will I be safe? I have never done this before? What if this is dangerous? How long is the fall? How do I know I will be safe?" Those thoughts circulate through my head and yet I still know what I must do.
Much like the scene in Sedona, there are people encouraging me to jump, telling me I will be okay and that I just need to jump.
So much like a girl in Sedona, I will take someones hand, breathe deep, take a step, and jump; with hopes that it will be alright.

Had a Bad Day?

2010-10-11T20:27:00.000-07:00

Whenever you have a bad day, just think it can't be any worse then hers.

First Family Church of Whitter

2010-10-10T13:37:00.000-07:00

Today I went to First Family Church of Whitter.
At first I was hesitant to attend, because looking at the website I perceived that this was a gaudy mega church with flashing lights and millions of attenders. As I drove up to the church, I was surprised. The building looked old, as if it was built in the 60's and untouched since.
As I was handed the four page bulletin and took my seat, I was overwhelmed by the grandeur of the church.
The ceiling was at least 35 feet tall and the entire back of the stage was a screen the size one would find at a movie theater. Not only was there a jumbo screen present, but two smaller ones on the sides. Fight towers of lights were also found on the stage. There naturally was a countdown before the service and when the one minute mark hits the house lights go down and a booming bass counts down the time remaining until the service starts.
The band takes the stage, 13 of them, 6 with just mics and they all dance and sing as the band plays and lights flash behind them. I felt like I was at a concert.
I enjoyed FFCoW, it was diverse in both race and age. I would go again, the pastor was legit as well as the music, not to mention the church building was sweet and the people were incredibly nice. All in all, a good time.

Wish

2010-10-07T16:42:00.000-07:00

I wish it was Thanksgiving
because if it was Thanksgiving,
then it would almost be Christmas.
And if it was almost Christmas
then it would be Graduation
and if it was Graduation
then it would be
SEATTLE!

September Music in Review

2010-10-05T09:36:00.000-07:00

Last month I started something new, I created a playlist and kept track of all the music I obtained during the month.

Top Songs
"Cameras"-Matt & Kim
"I Don't Want t0 Live There"- The Lonely Forest
"Oh Just a Song"- I'll Fly Away
"I Walked"- Sufjan Stevens
"Cannonballs"- Hey Marseilles

Top Artists
Hey Marseilles
Sondre Lerche
Lost in the Trees

Top Album
Hey Marseilles- To Travels And Trunks

Morningstar Christian Chapel

2010-09-26T13:06:00.000-07:00

Today I went to Morningstar Christian Chapel, here are the highlights:
-being the only one my age, having the rest of the congregation being at least 25-35 years older than me.
-every man wearing tommy bahama or hawaiian shirts (i wonder if it is a requirement for being a member)
-the cheesy music, with electric drums and over 20 people on stage
-being surrounded by fake plastic plants
- how the guy with the offering bag didn't hand it to me because he knew i had no money
*note: this is a generalization but it does make sense, since i was the only one there in college.
-kermit the frog vocals
-how i felt like i was at a church in hawaii (perhaps it was all the hawaiian shirts)
and
-the cushions on the pews.
Needless to say, it was an interesting experience. I'm actually really excited to do this, to see the diversity of the churches around the area; this should be fun.

~~Morningstar Christian Chapelr~~

The Church Whore

2010-09-19T18:50:00.001-07:00

I am very picky when it comes to churches, either that or there are no good churches down here. I find it stunning that in the two and almost a half year I've been here, I have yet to find a church to call "home". I would visit a church, not like it or like it a little and say "I'll go a second time" but never really do. Then I would just go to whatever church my friends were attending, because of the convenience. Well no more, as of today I am going to just go from church to church, seeing what they have to offer me and then writing about them.
On the Biola student website, they have a list of all the churches within a 5 mile radius of campus. Before the end of the semester, I will make it my goal to visit every church on this list then report back. Here is the list of churches in the area. *note the ones that are crossed out mean I have already been there.
Also there are only 9 more weeks that I will be down here, so the 9 that sound most appealing I will attend.
*red indicates a Church I have attended after posting this.
~~Calvary Chapel La Mirada~~

Calvary Chapel of La Habra

Calvary Orthodox Presbyterian Church

~~Church of Southlands~~

~~First Family Church of Whittier~~

~~Grace Evangelical Free Church~~

~~Granada Heights Friends Church~~

Green Hills Baptist Church

Hilltop Christian Fellowship

La Mirada Christian Church

La Mirada United Methodist Church

~~Morningstar Christian Chapel~~

~~New Heart Community Church~~

New Life Christian Alliance Church

~~Redeemer Church, La Mirada~~

~~Shepherd's House Christian Center~~

Trinity Reformed Baptist, La Mirada

~~Whittier Area Community Church~~

~~Whittier Hills Baptist Church~~

Stories, Novels, and People

2010-09-13T08:54:00.001-07:00

Every one of us has a story, a tale to tell. We all are going through something, though we may be in different stages of life, one thing remains true; we all have stories.
Every morning I wake up and lay on the couch. I sit, read, listen to music, and look outside the window and see people passing. As they jog by, covered in sweat and spandex, I cannot help but think that they are crazy for running (because it looks most unpleasant), but today my thoughts on them are much different.
Those joggers are characters, they are people who are going through something. The 40-something man, with pepper gray in his hair, could have just lost his job and jogging down the street is his way of dealing with the scope of how he will pay for the house, support his family, and put his kid through college. That brief 10 seconds that I see him, give me a minuscule impression of what his life is like.
The kid who walks by in the afternoon, might be coping with his best-friend committing suicide. With headphones on, he gives the impression that he wants to be left alone; but in reality he is lonely and he walks down the street because it means less time alone in his house, with no comfort of anyone to speak to. For his parents won't be home until midnight and the last thing he wants is to be there by himself, for the vast house seems much more empty when there are no voices in it.
And then the couple that walks hand-in-hand while the sun is setting. They seem so in love but that was not the case 10 years ago, when his cancer nearly ruined their marriage.
My professor mentioned this idea to the class on Thursday, after the board was covered with heartbreaking prayer requests. Those scribbles on the board are enough to convince me that we all have stories, we all are going through something. The people we aimlessly walk past, the man before us in the grocery store, the woman driving while talking on her cell phone; they are all characters in a story. A story with joys and trials, laughter and love, a story unlike anyone other one on the planet; we are all stories.
When you stop seeing people as just people and begin to see them as characters with a story, the world changes. Suddenly it makes sense why the guy flipped you off on the freeway, or why the mother in the mall screams at her fussy daughter; its because there is something much deeper happening to them. We will never be able to full understand the extent of ones story, we can get bits and pieces, but each chapter and page is unknown to us. Looking at people as stories is a beautiful thing.
I want to know stories, I want to hear about what is happening with people.
I want to be acquainted with these characters, I want to love them and weep when they are hurting and sing when they are joyful.
I want to dive into people's novels, become one with the pages. I have been part of books but I wish my role in that story was longer and not cut so short.
I must trust the master storyteller, that he knows what he is penning and that in the end it will be a most beautiful tail, with hardships and all.
i am a Story.

Urrrummmm Yeah

2010-09-05T14:09:00.000-07:00

*the following should be read with a deep almost southern accent.
Welp, life is in full swing down at Biola University down in La Mirada California. Students are busy hustling and bustling about, going to classes and gettin' reacquired with the campus. There is even a little bit of love in the air, as couples seem to be popping up around the autumn campus. Yes, life at Biola University seems to be getting back to normal. The End.

I am assimilating back into Biola life a life which is soon coming to an end. It was shocking at first, seeing how cool and trendy the campus was, I felt out of place with my unwashed hair and thrift store clothes; not on par with the cool trends. That feeling has soon passed as I adopted my usual (I don't give a hoot) attitude. I find great joy living in the apartment and having the freedom/ability to cook my own food.

I am on the church hunt again, I have discovered that I am the most picky when it comes to finding a church. Either that or all the churches down here really suck, who knows.

I am so glad that I do not have to attend chapels, those things can be so annoying sometimes.

t-minus 102 days until graduation.

Living a Great Story

2010-09-01T09:16:00.000-07:00

I want to live a great story, a life that when I am older I can look back and see that great things happened. I do not want to live a boring story, one that is stale and dull; but one full of laughter, love, friends, fun, and adventures. In short I want to live a great story.
More often than not, the greatest stories are the ones where all hope seems to be lost, where the characters must face difficult trails. Defeating the villian, savings friends, or reaching the ultimate task; would not resonate as deeply if the heroes did those things with ease. My point is that I am in the midst of a great story. Dating long distance is not easy but it is so worth it. Lately I see how God is crafting the story of Grace and I, how He is penning the proper words onto the ink of our lives. He knows what He is doing, He is the perfect Author.
There are times when I wish Grace was here with me, but I have never wanted her to be at Biola. Initially I thought it was because she would no fit in here (which is still true), Seattle is a much better fit for her. But after further thought, a reason why I am glad she is not here is because I feel it would be boring. What I mean is, I do not want to be a Biola couple, meeting on a GYRAD, going to the Cafe together, and doing homework at the library; all of that sounds awful to me and it doesn't make a great story.
The greatest stories are ones when the characters must overcome obstacles to achieve a goal, to get what the want (Donald Miller mentions this in his latest book). Easy stories are boring, if Aslan always lived in Narnia it would be lame, if Frodo had a magic door to Mt Doom, it would be lackluster. It is far better to live a great story rather than a boring one.
In conclusion, I am at a place where I am seeing how good the long distance has been for Grace and me. It has shaped our relationship and made it so we have a great story, the distance has made it so we see what is really important and that we do not fight about stupid little things because we've had to fight so hard just to stay together. The distance sucks, but it is almost over and the next chapter of a great story is soon to begin.
106 days until graduation.

The Begining of the End: Apartment Floods, Pools I Love

2010-08-25T12:52:00.000-07:00

I moved into an apartment on Saturday and since then I have managed to flood the bathroom as well as the kitchen. Saturday night around 1, the toilet began to overflow, after a little bit I flushed it to see what would happen and water began to flow all over the floor. One of my roommates, went to CVS to get a plunger to fix the problem. Lesson learned: do not flush an overflowing toilet, it aids the flooding process.
Then this morning, I thought I would be a nice roommate and wash some dishes in the dishwasher. So after placing all the dishes in the washer, I filled it with what I thought was the proper soap. Turns out it was the wrong soap and soon the kitchen floor was covered in bubbles. Lesson learned: don't use the green soap in the dishwasher.
Today I start my last day of classes at Biola. I wish I could say my last day of school, but thanks to grad school, it will not be. Plus I am going to be a teacher so I technically I will always been in school. But one could argue that we are always learning, therefore we are always in school; anyways I digress.
I am excited to be finished with Biola. In just 30 minutes, I will have my first class of the last semester, it will begin with Methods of Bible Study or Methods of BS as I like to call it.
Today has been a great first day of school. I woke up and went swimming with my girlfriend and then relaxed around the apartment and now I am writing about how I'm about to go to class, it has been wonderful.
Lastly, I have had a stream of apathy lately I could careless about many things and I think it's because I know I am almost done.
In case I don't see you again, good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight.
113 days until graduation.

How to Be a Fun Teacher

2010-07-23T15:58:00.000-07:00

Today some of my campers found out that I wanted to be a teacher. They then told me how to be a fun and great teacher. Here is the list they made me.

How to be a fun teacher
-Have a fun collection of some kind (like monkeys or rubber duckies)
-Keep the nickname Gatsby all year until the last day of school
-Make fun of the kids (but not in a mean way) and call everyone "twit"
-Be funny
-Wear glasses
-Have theme days
-Play music
-Have classroom jobs
-Tel funny jokes
-Have a fun day once every two weeks where all we do is crafts and hang out
-Have fun
-Keep a journal full of great ideas
-Have a whiteboard to draw on
-Explain things really well
-Be strict when you need to be.

Instrument

2010-07-18T10:30:00.000-07:00

I am beginning to see
that I am the instrument
and not the Musician

week 5

2010-07-14T15:56:00.000-07:00

currently i am at camp, it's week 5 and here are some quotes from my campers.

camper:"do you have war and peace?"
me:"no"
camper:" oh darn i was hoping to read it!"

"gatsby I'm surprised you aren't wearing lederhosen"

"are you really bragging about being girls?"

"hey i don't want to sound like a hobo, but can i borrow some socks?"

Life = Jungle

2010-05-30T21:39:00.000-07:00

Life is a battle
sometimes you must fight to get up
sometimes you must fight to sleep
much like the gazelle we must fight to survive
welcome to the jungle

D.L. Lafer

2010-05-09T22:18:00.000-07:00

I want to be your friend
your deep laugh
makes me smile
it reminds me of life
of happy times
over and over you laugh
from deep within you
shaking your body
heaving your stomach
and moving the muscles in your face
to grin
showing teeth
Happy
and Alive
we all should laugh like you
and enjoy life.

The Countdown Begins Now

2010-05-04T17:22:00.000-07:00

23 days left
i want it to blur by
blink of an eye status
but still it lingers
like a cold that won't go away
moving at snail pace
each day
i get more anxious than the last
i want freedom!
i want out of that dorm
i want
summer
sun
and a
farmers tan
to see best friends every day
no wind or rain
no school work or stress
23 days
i think i can make it

Oddity on a Tuesday

2010-04-29T09:18:00.000-07:00

Tuesday was a strange day...
Monday I flew back from Seattle. My second flight heading towards LA was delayed at first it said 10 minutes, but then around 9:30 there was still no flight and all the employees began to leave. I found this odd and began to consider having to sleep in the airport. Finally my flight came and landed in LA around 11. Then my friend picked me up and instead of taking I-5 south, he went north. Finally we got back to school and I went to sleep. I then woke up at 4am because my body decided that the food I bought at the airport was not good and could no longer be inside me.
On Tuesday I was delirious for the entire day. I filled out this housing contract and instead of putting my school ID number down, I put my Starbucks partner number instead (mind you, its been about 2 years since I worked there) I realized this mistake 3 hours after I did it.
Then in my class I tickled the guy in front of me, he didn't think it was funny and it was only after I attempted to tickle his armpit while he stretched that I realized how strange it was.
Then in the same class, every time an announcement was made, I began to clap and cheer.
Yes Tuesday was a strange day indeed.

Turbulance

2010-04-27T21:41:00.001-07:00

Jitters,
we all got 'em
we could die here
surrounded by strangers
everyone
crying and
screaming and
making deals with their
new found savior
"dear God, if you let me live
I swears I will be a better person!
I will commute and recycle
and go to church more than just
on Christmas and Easter."
the jitters
the bumps
we forget these steel birds
aren't indestructible
tiny pockets of air
could do us in

Productibe?

2010-04-13T23:02:00.000-07:00

I do not want to be productive right now
I cannot be productive right now
ever spare minute I've had today,
was consumed by homework.
I am reminded of a poem I once read, it goes like this
"homework oh homework i hate you
you stink i wish i could wash you away in the sink"
that is how i feel right now, i am tired of doing homework
IT NEVER ENDS!!
Back to my essay, I go.
T-minus 45 days

Hart 110

2010-04-07T16:57:00.000-07:00

You never see the floor,
maybe a small 2 foot square of free carpet
but the rest is covered in dirty clothes.
They lay there for months at a time
the mound growing and growing
both in size and smell
constantly messy
The smell of axe body spray
floats through the room
flashback to junior high years
five or six sprays
until it engulfs all fresh breathable air.
The occupants sleep during the day
must be silent, must not wake them
heaven forbid, heaven forbid
the alarm rings at 7am, then 7:10am, then 7:20am,
ring snooze ring snooze
over and over again
this place is lonely stuffy and unclean
and its back there, waiting for me
my room, my misery

Coming Back

2010-04-06T19:03:00.000-07:00

Today actually 3 minutes ago, I decided that I am going to write in this blog more, I am going to post more poetry and update it more. So here is a poem for my readers.

Good morning world
I think I’m going to explore

Its early, why am I up?
I walk toward the field, a natural playground for my siblings and I
I sit beneath the tree,
It stands alone thus it needs company
I sit in the cold dark and damp world
Thanks to the morning dew
I sit below a symphony of birds
Sweetly singing the same song
In a natural chorus
To the cathedral of the heavens
I sit and wait for mr sun to arise
Conquer the dark and give us some brilliant rays
We sit and wait, the dew melts away
And we welcome in the morning

15 Minutes

2010-03-30T13:34:00.000-07:00

I spoke that quote
from overheard@biola

Prologue

2010-03-29T11:08:00.000-07:00

in perfect orbit they have circled
as the light of many worlds falls softly on their skin
and days here pass like minutes
one moment of brilliant daylight will shift into the next
a flash of dark behind some distant lost moon
and then it is over
like the pause before waking
sleep is replaced by light, and life and hope
it is the light of one far away sun that has beckoned them to leave
and the hope of home that has lifted them from slumber
the hope that; though the dark may come
the sun also rises

Chasing Down, Every Temporary High

2010-02-26T10:29:00.000-08:00

I don't think that God created us to be consumed by fashion and trends. I don't think in His cosmic plan, he longed for us to be controlled by what people thought of us because of the clothes we wear or the trends we are part of. God created us for something more than urban outfitters, pitchfork, and the hype machine.
Part of me hates Biola right now, it's just an extension of high school. There's a difference here though, the band kids are cool and everyone hates the jocks. I can't completely hate the Biola boy hipster scene, because i used to be part of it or maybe that gives me reason to hate it; who knows. The point is, there's more to life than Animal Collective and The Lab. We were created to love God and love others, we were created to know and love God; not to somehow gain 3,000 hipster points daily for listening to vampire weekend and wearing all black vans. Don't believe me? Listen to the following songs:
"something more"-switchfoot
"more to life"-stacie orrico
"gone"-switchfoot
"nothing matters"-the rocket summer.
Or you could read countless nihilistic literature, but I do not recommend that.
Last year I had the chance to live in the epicenter of the Biola hipster scene, a mecca for skinny jeans and floppy beanies. Two days before housing papers needed to be submitted, the guy I was going to room with changed plans and said he is going to room with someone else. At first I was bitter, a little at him but more so a little at God. In less than a weeks time, I went through 5 different roommates and in the end I had nowhere to go. These two guys offered to take me in, I didn't really know them and I still don't. At first I wondered why God put me through that, all the false promises and hurt. In the end I thought "it's because I am going to be used to reach my future roommates" but that clearly is not going to happen.
During that whole process, I watched doors close and I could clearly see God's hand in it, he did not want me in Emerson, he did not want me in Elo, he wanted me here even though I wish I was somewhere else. The reason I'm not on Elo is because God wanted to put to death all my false ideas of what is important in life, he wanted to kill the hipster kid that I was becoming.
The process has been slow, starting in october and finally coming to a end in february. I can say that I am at a place where I do not care what people think of me, i am not constantly buying the latest treads just so people will think i am awesome.
When I am before the Father, He isn't going to look back on my life and see how many hipster points i have accumulated, instead He is going to care about how I served Him, how I showed love to His children.
I want to be a vessel used by God, not one who is consumed by trends and fads.

I Am Yours, I Am Claimed

2010-02-25T17:12:00.000-08:00

tell him all your grief

tell him all your sins

he’ll give half his robe

just to wrap you in

give him both your hands

give him all your heart

he’ll give all his robe

to hold off the dark

if you’re scared to pray

and you’re fast in bed

he will pull you out

to anoint your head

if your hope is lost

and your thoughts aren’t yours

he will touch your face

he will make you whole

he who made your head

he who made your feet

he has made you whole

he has made your face

he will take your arm

he will strip you bare

he will take your hand

he will toss your hair
- Taylor Neal

Sloth

2010-02-22T11:19:00.000-08:00

If there's one thing i do not want to be in life is a sloth, lazy, slow, and unproductive. You learn a lot from college, most lessons take place outside the classroom.

Get Through

2010-02-16T17:55:00.000-08:00

Here are some songs that have helped me get through the past few weeks

And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
the clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
even so, it is well with my soul.
it is well with my soul

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

in the lone hour, of my sorrow
through the darkest night of my soul
you surround me, and sustain me
my defender, forever more

when hope is lost, i'll call you saviour
when pain surrounds, i'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart

Say you're with me
There's gold ahead
There's golden dreams
And life's hills and valleys
Will you hold on with me

I'll kick tomorrow,
Fight back at the pouring rain.
I'll send the weekends down the drain, down the drain.

2010-01-23T22:44:00.001-08:00

does it ever feel like your mind is a deep sea, full of all these thoughts and you have no idea how to navigate it, how to plunge beneath the surface, past the white waves into your deepest conscious?
once there, what happens? do you continue down the depths, until your ears pop due to the pressure and it feels as though your eyes will soon burst out of your skull. do you swim into that depth, where fish have lights dancing on string for trickery. once there what happens?
i feel like i am swimming in this sea of my thoughts.
the past 3 weeks have been nothing short of chaos and now i can finally think
and oh there is so much to think about
so much is going through my head right now
i wonder what will happen this summer, will i return to redwood, the place that has changed me so much.
will i stay at Biola and do summer school?
will i go to ireland?
what will happen who knows who knows

brain rot day 1 and 2 1/3

2010-01-23T15:29:00.000-08:00

I just got done taking a 3 week 6 unit class that was the verge of death. It consisted of 9 hours of class a day, plus 7 papers, plus 4 hours of class on friday, plus a 15-20 minute group presentation. It short it was madness.
But thankfully, I have 10 days until I need to return to school and class start. So to celebrate my freedom, I am relaxing, letting this brain rest and somewhat rot. And so I thought it would be fun to recap what I have done (or lack thereof)
So here is what I did yesterday.
-first I woke up at 8:30, got ready for class, gave a 15 minute presentation, then walked in the rain, got all wet, changed clothes, walked to luke's room, got my things, drove to the caf, and headed home.
-on the drive up the 5 i saw the following: rain, snow, two rainbows, 5 dead dogs, and cows.
-there was about maybe an hour, hour and a half of silence, well there was music playing but no talking. it was nice to just sit and rest, it was something i hadn't done in such a long time.
-once home, i showered, find some clean clothes, and relaxed.
-last night i stayed home and watched live free or die hard with my father and brother. it was nice to watch a stupid movie, one without a complex plot and one that i didn't have to write a paper on.
-shortly after i journaled and went to bed.

today
-woke up, watched a documentary on jason mraz
- ate chocolate chip waffles
-watched the last episode of the tonight show with coco
-went skating (i ended up getting lost which sucked but then i found a way back)
-did some reading
-made a quesadilla
-read some more.
-talked on the phone with Grace (she is pretty great, I like her)
-which brings us to here. i will probably do something tonight but who knows.

let the week of brain rot commence!

New Life Moto

2010-01-17T10:18:00.000-08:00

World Without an End

2010-01-15T08:17:00.000-08:00

In the soundless awe and wonder,
words fall short to hope again.
How beautiful,
how vast your love is,
new forever,
world without an end.

My Life As of Lately

2010-01-12T11:24:00.000-08:00

I have 9 hours of class each day. It's this class called "Iris" which consist of 7 professors leading discussion, talking about movies/art, and showing a movie. We also have a reading due most days and then a paper. The papers are due by 11 the next morning, so we have from 10pm, till 11am to finish them; in short it is crazy.

Two weeks ago I was in 27 degree weather, surrounded by snow and rain. Currently it is 60 and the high is going to be 72, it short it is quite the transition.

My sentences lately do not make sense. For example, I saw the guy who lives next door to me last week and I said "are you interterm back?" instead of "are you back for interterm". Only two more semesters until graduation, so crazy. I applied to work at Redwood again, I truly hope I get it; but if not then I might consider going on a mission trip to Ireland. But camp is what I want to do. That is all

In case I don't see you again, good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight.

That's The Tops!

2009-12-21T08:53:00.001-08:00

I survived my third semester at Biola, two more to go then the world is my oyster. Finals were good, I'm assuming that I passed most of them, but grades have yet to be posted.
Normally now is the time when everyone posts the song of the year and album of the year. Right now I am both far too lazy and I don't really know what albums came out this year, which means a list will not be complied. But I will tell you what albums are my tops, so get those!

Top albums:
-"forget and not slow down" by relient k. loved these guys in the 8th grade, then i grew up but they didn't. But now they have grown up and released an amazing album
-"qu" by sherwood. if you want to feel happy, get this album! so much joy and just a great little pop rock album
-"(m)orning ep" by mae. i love mae, their last album was lackluster, but the (m)orning ep (as well as (a)fternoon) are returning them back to one of my favorite bands.
-"ocean eyes" by owl city. holy musical explosion batman! i've known about owl city for a pretty long time, thought he was alright but a little fruity for my taste. then over the summer i heard "fireflies" and the new version of "hello seattle" and i knew i had to get the album.
-"aim and ignite" by fun. i dont even know how to begin to describe this band. fun, amazing. talented, over dramatic (in a good way), those are just a few words to describe fun. so check them out.
-"hello hurricane" by switchfoot. just get it, don't even ask
-"storyboards" by sleeping at last. such a beautiful album! this album will forever hold a special place in my heart. i would put this album on and lay on a couch staring out into the redwood forest.

Top songs:
1. "fireflies"-owl city. this song helped me through some pretty tough times at camp and i'm a little sad it became so big, but it is still a great song nonetheless.
2. "daylight"-matt & kim. i feel in love with this song the first time i heard it, quite amazing and so fun. it can put anyone in a good mood i am certain of that.
3. "hello seattle"-owl city.
4. "shelter"-sherwood
5. "be calm"-fun
6. "do better"-say anything
7. "the fox, the crow and the cookie"-mewithoutyou
8. "always"-switchfoot
9. "every thought a thought of you"-mewithoutyou
10. "savannah"-relient k
11. "porcelain"-sleeping at last
12. "the fisherman song (we all need love)"-mae
13. "odds"-mutemath
14. "brick by boring brick"-paramore
15. "candlelight"-relient k

most anticapted release in 2010:
motion city soundtrack "my dinosaur life"
the rocket summer

there you have it, enjoy the list and Merry Christmas!

I don't want to go, please don't make me

2009-11-29T14:34:00.001-08:00

The hardest thing to do, is return to a place where you don't want to be.
Where there is nothing for you except a degree.
I would give anything not to return to that cold room with hallow men.
But alas this is my prison
My fate

First Thess Five 18

2009-11-26T12:32:00.001-08:00

Today I am thankful for:
-God for all He has done for me and all that He will do for me. For protection and never ending love. For His son and redemption and for all the blessings he has given me
-My family who supports me and who is always there for me
-Grace, she is amazing and I am so thankful she is part of my life, even though she is 900 miles away
-Biola, there is no other school like it on the face of the earth
-My friends, for their honestly and smiles and for how they will laugh at all my stupid jokes
-Music, what would this world be without it
-The small gifts I've been given
-Health
-Being able to live in America
-The small amount of money I have
-For the guidance I have been given and now I have a plan
-For IRIS, the only way I could have graduated on time.
and much much more. I could go on but I need to go.

"give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you"

Letterman Jacket

2009-11-22T21:46:00.000-08:00

T-minus two days until I am back in Livermore! I never thought that I would ever miss that place as much as I have this past week. I miss cool weather and friendly faces. There is something different about old friends, the friends I have at school are great as well as the friends I've made at camp; but nothing compares to a high school friend, one who shares so many amazing adventures. In honor of those high school friends, I dedicate this blog post to them. This is to Brad, for all the crazy adventures we have had. From spending the night at your house and going to the halloween stores the next day to see if we could get anything cheap, to the summer day where we bought snow skis and we down a dirt hill. I love making up folk punk songs with you and just seeing how crazy you can be. I've learned a lot from you, I've learned about how I shouldn't care what people think of me and that I should just be myself. You are a great friend and I miss you dearly.
This is to Kevin, a man whose friendship came at a much needed time. A man who is so chill and laid back that you can't help but what to hang out with him. I miss the times of going to your house and watching a movie. I miss ska shows and sitting on that porch talking, watching the cars go by. I miss sitting at the counter when you make yourself dinner. I miss your laugh and how it brings so much life to a room. This is for you.
This is for Davis, one of my longest running friends. You my friend are amazing and I have far too many memories with you. From writing a "hit" rap song, to sleeping on that couch in your living room on Saturday nights. This is for the time when we went to the cabin in Oregon. Your room and your house are so familiar to me and as I write I picture it vividly. I miss you man and I can't wait to hang out again.
This is to Sean, the only guy from LHS that I still talk to. This is for the time when we went to San Jose to the Asain market and we were the only white people in the place. This is also for the time when we went to Santa Cruz randomly one day and walking around downtown then having a bonfire at the beach. This is for all the time that we hung out with people that we didn't know but we still had a great time. Here's to the time when we drove from LA to Livermore late in the night and I feel asleep. Sorry about that. I am stoked that you live less than 2 blocks away.
There is a part of me that loves change, I love when the weather changes, I love when I change my dorm room around or get a new class schedule. Change is good, but there is still that part of me who wants things to stay the same forever and ever. But we need change, with change comes growth and growth leads us to who we are to be. Change with me has become a love hate relationship apparently. As I talked with a good friend from the days of old, I was reminded that change is good and was given this quote.
"The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."
Here is to change, may you keep me moving forward.

Ambling Alp

2009-11-08T01:34:00.000-08:00

It's 1:34 am, I just wrote !:3$ by mistake, then corrected myself. It is late, my brain is tired, I've had a bad day.
Does one event in your day, send the rest in shambles? Well that is what happened to me today. You see I have this paper due, not just any paper mind you, but THE HARDEST PAPER I WILL EVER WRITE! Thus says the professor. I want to call his bluff, turn in some shotty ramblings that I pulled out of my lower section, but alas what if he is not the prankster prince that I formulated him to be? What if he aint yankin' my chain, or pulling me legs?! Then what am I going to do?! I already bombed the first test, worth 30 percent so this is one of my only hopes to salvage my grade. I know I will pass and I know I will write this paper, but I am so stressed out and afraid to write it that every time I sit down nothing comes out. I'm too afraid that everything I write is complete crap and that my professor will tear it up and yell with all his might "WHAT IS THIS AMATEUR HOUR?!!" He would then take my rhetorical analysis paper for comm studies 383 and feed it to his mighty basset hound. Sheer brilliance.
The problem is, I wrote over a page and a half yesterday, only to find out that I wrote on the wrong subject and had to delete it all. Excellent, I love it!
So now I'm stressed because I need to find 3 evidences in the film and I only have 1 maybe 2 and I can't think of anything and I just want to say THEY THEY THEY all i want and A LOT and HECKA and slang up the YA YA YA; but I can't because this is college and academia loves to kill creativity. Let's make everyone like us, suits, ties, and the whole shabang. Brilliant.

Coincidence?

2009-10-29T15:20:00.000-07:00

To begin this post, let's travel back to August 8th, my last day at Redwood Camp. Upon leaving, I did not know if I would return. Many of my fellow counselors wondered if they would return and soon the prospect of returning became familiar conversation among everyone. As I drove under the arc that read "Continue in what you have learned" I wondered if I too would return. I thought that I had mixed feelings about returning, not knowing if there would be anything else for me to learn at the soil of RWC. I also like to keep my life fairly open in case God has other plans. As time went on I began to think about coming back to camp and it was not until recent weeks that I realized I wanted to come back. There was always a desire to return, but I wanted to make sure that my heart was in the right place and that I was returning for the right reason. I want to return for the kids, not for my girlfriend. After further thinking I realized that it would be so great to return, but still I was not sure if I would.
Then this week happened.
On Tuesday I was in my oh so boring Theo 2 class, when my friend place a business card on my desk. I didn't think anything of it, until I actually looked at it and read the name on the business card. It said "Cameron Reid". I froze and my jaw dropped, Cameron Reed was the name of one of my campers, one of my hardest campers. I thought it was weird, but then continued on with my day.
Wednesday I go to the morning chapel and the speaker talks about working at a camp for abused children and how we are to love those who have been hurt. This past summer I had a camper who was being abused. As I walked to class, I was reminded of the business card I saw the day before and shook my head because it was too weird. I then go to class and the professor talks about how there really are no "coincidences with God", I filed that in my memory then moved on.
Last night I had a dream where I was with the program director of the camp and was asking her if I had a job next summer and she told me to apply. I then asked her when the applications were ready. I woke up after that overwhelmed with the camp coincidences that were happening.
Then this morning as I walked to take a shower, my camper in leadership training, who just so happens to live on my floor, told me about his dream last night that I was back at camp with everyone else.
Wow, seriously, WOW.
This is all so odd and I really don't know how to take it. Maybe it is all a sign, maybe they all add up pointing me back to camp; or maybe they are just coincidences and nothing more.
HMMM

The Rise and Fall of Albert T. Plan

2009-10-27T17:12:00.000-07:00

I am the one who whenever a problem comes up, I think of a plan, a solution for getting myself out. Whenever i was told I wouldn’t be able to graduate at this time or that time, I looked at it as a minor set back to my grand plan. I would then sit down and figure out a solution for this problem. Then after a few minutes I would arise with the best plan in the world within my head. I would stand victorious, for I was able to outsmart God, think of my own destiny and not have to fully trust him. All this seemed to work until 2 hours ago.
I was checking back on one of my plans, checking to make sure that all systems were go, that everything was running smoothly and that there would be no further issues. That is when I saw it. the wrench in the gears, the oil slick on the floor, the problem. I brushed it off at first, “Ha this won’t stop me” I thought, “all I got to do is come up with a new plan”. That’s when I found out that none of my plans were working, that none of my plans would work, all attempts are futile. I could no longer come up with another plan, there is no escaping what needs to be done. I did not want to accept this reality, it is impossible, there must be another way! But in my search there was no other way, no escape, there is only one way now.
So now I am in the position of wondering if I should even come up with any plans, they always seen to fail, so what’s the point of constructing faulty buildings if they are going to fall down? I know that I must trust, trust that there is a plan and a purpose, that something bigger than me is in control of. I trust and I try to trust, but it’s moments like this that make me wonder what will happen.

Me the ESFJ

2009-10-17T23:27:00.001-07:00

This is what I am currently experincing:
I am listening to "cuddle fuddle" by passion pit.
My goldfish Geraldo is extremely happy
I am recovering from a caffine crash
my friend from camp is ranting about his distaste for pop culture
and I am talking to Grace on skype.

I felt like now would be a good time to blog, just write about whatever. Today I took a personality test, the myers-briggs personality test to be exact. It says that I am an ESFJ, which means:

moderately expressed extravert
slightly expressed sensing personality
distinctively expressed feeling personality
slightly expressed judging personality

I don't know how to take it, I take all personality test with a grain of salt; it goes down better that way. I say that no test can really define who I am because I (like all humans) is far more complex and I have different moods and will react differently in certain situations. Here is a list of celebrities that share the same personality with me

Famous ESFJs:

U.S. Presidents:: William McKinley; William J. Clinton

Jack Benny
Desi Arnaz ("Ricky Ricardo")
Don Knotts ("Barney Fife")
John Connally (former Governor of Texas)
Terry Bradshaw, NFL quarterback
Sally Struthers (All in the Family)
Mary Tyler Moore
Dixie Carter (Designing Women)
Steve Spurrier, Heismann trophy winner, Univ. of Fla. football coach
Sally Field
Danny Glover, actor (Lethal Weapon movies, Predator 2 Margaret Butt
Nancy Kerrigan (U.S. olympic figureskater)
Elvis Stojko (Canadian olympic figureskater)

Fictional ESFJs:

Babbitt (Sinclair Lewis)
Hoss Cartwright (Bonanza)
Leonard "Bones" McCoy (Star Trek)
Monica (Friends)
Haleh (ER)
Donald Duck
Rabbit, Winnie the Pooh

Grace took the same test and Hiliary Clinton was one of her results. This could mean one of two things. First, we are going to take over the political world, or second I am going to cheat on her with an intern. I am leaning more towards the first choice.
I am going to start drinking more coffee from 7-11, its cheap and pretty good but mostly crappy. I guess since its mostly crappy I shouldn't do it, but the latte that I tasted was so amazing I must go back. I have nothing more to say.

Earthquake Drill

2009-10-15T13:14:00.001-07:00

You woke me up early in the morning
freaking bastard
your stupid sirens screams
warning me to leave the building
and the comfort of my bed
I rest my head, wishing this would end
but instead i must leave
with the crowd in front of me
and then we stand in the street
while dirt gets on my feet
and the whole time
the siren still screams
"if this was a real emergency"
the RD says
it would be best to cover your head
so your telling me i should stay in my bed?
what a great way to start the day

O, The Rain God

2009-10-14T14:42:00.000-07:00

My window is open, I hear the rain fall slowly down on the earth. I smell the freshness of the weather, the result of the new rain that is falling down. The cold air flows into the room, yet I am warm because of the tea I just drank. I am listening to slow peaceful music that if one did drugs, would surely put them in a trance. All is well. Blessed be the grey skies, the sun needs its rest. I am studying, but not stressed. The rain is getting steadier now, falling faster to the earth. I look at all these things, I see the clouds and I hear the rain; and I can't help but be reminded that he loves us. Rain is just one way that God shows he loves us. Southern California is in chaos because of the weather, but I love it. I will drink it in, before the 90 degrees return.

Geraldo Phines the First

2009-10-10T17:31:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I bought a goldfish. His name is Geraldo Phines and he is amazing. My friend was getting feeder fish and as we drove to the pet shop, I knew that I would make a purchase. So now I have a goldfish, he is in his bowl on my desk and I watch him swim around and around all day long. My friend says he isn't going to last that long and doesn't think I will be able to take care of him. That's crazy! If there is one thing I have learned from my extensive internet research on goldfish, is that goldfish can live to be 43 years old. So I will learn from Tish the oldest living goldfish and take great care of Geraldo.

ME

2009-10-09T12:33:00.000-07:00

At camp, I learned that it was ok to be me and that I should be me. Weekly I told my campers that they like the Psalmist said are fearfully and wonderfully made. That God created each of them differently and for a specific purpose.

I haven't had these shoes for more than a week, but they already have taught me so much. On wednesday I wore these shoes to one of my classes. As I sat out in front of class waiting for a friend, I noticed that nearly every single guy that left the classroom was wearing the same outfit. The same van shoes, designer skinny jeans, a v neck tee shirt, and a floppy beanie. I looked at my outfit, it was similar and I hated it. It was in that moment that I realized something. Here about Biola everyone is trying so hard to be cool. I know guys who spend all their money on hip clothes just so they look cool. They buy into the latest trends and fads so girls will look at them and want to date them or so guys will see them and be full of envy. I notice how these people are dying to fads, fashion and not being real. On Wednesday I was reminded of how great it was at camp to be myself and to be loved. The kids didn't care what I wore, they cared about me regardless.
When I first came to Biola, I wanted to be cool, so I bought cool clothes and acted different so I could be accepted. That is no longer what I am going to do. God made me special and I am going to start living for me and not other people.
Grace has also taught me that. She doesn't try. What I mean by that is, she wears whatever she wants not trying to impress anyone. She is genuine and that is what I want to be. So let this be a public declaration on the internet, that I am no longer going to be a sheep, but I am going to be unique and who God created me to be. It's time to be real.

Sky Dive Into Nothingness.

2009-10-05T09:39:00.000-07:00

Welp,
here it goes, sink or swim.
so much riding on this meeting,
the balance of the world
clings on these words.
money, you evil root. shame on you!
i'm nervous, but i cant eat.
my mind is racing, nascar nascar
i hope it all works out.
open the door, its time to leap out of a blame
trust fall in
three
two
one
GO.

Just When I Thought This Snow Globe of a Mind Couldn't Be Mixed Up Enough.

2009-10-02T17:12:00.000-07:00

I just want to graduate, I don't about what school it is anymore, I just want to be done. Things and ideas that I never would have considered a year ago, are now formulating and take place. I have no idea what is going to happen, all I know is that I am tired of being in school and that Biola has pretty much screwed me over and it sucks to think that I could have been done if I didn't transfer there. I don't "regret" going there, it just hasn't been all I thought it would be. I just don't know what to do.
To quote the late great Willy Wonka "There's no earthly way of knowing, which direction we are going."

Somethings Missing

2009-09-29T15:36:00.000-07:00

I Miss:
Grace
my Family
being in a home
Kevin
the good ol' days
the seasons
everyone at redwood
Ben and David
Jackson
being friends with Davis
playing music for middle schoolers
the glory days of VBC
Sean
good food
going to see five iron frenzy on halloween
concert buddies
not having homework
laying on a couch
and etc.

I miss a lot of things right now, this week my emotions range from happy/excited, to feeling blue. I know I will survive, its a matter of time. I'm fulling surrendering to God, giving all the worries I have. I don't care if I don't graduate anyone, I know I will its a matter of time. Today I began to worry again and I stopped myself and said "you know what God, it's yours." I'm tired of dealing with it, tired of stressing of it, tired of wondering when I can move away from La Mirada and start the next adventure. I know that day will come, I am so close and giving up now would be pathetic. I need patience, I need peace, I need to calm myself down and know that God has a plan, that he knows what he is doing. If i need to stay at Biola until spring 11, well to be truthful that would suck because there is really no need for that. I really want to go back and work at camp, maybe be the music director or a counselor again, but if I have to take summer classes (which I really doubt I don't) I would have to accept the fact that God has something else planned. In short he has a plan, he knows what he is doing and I need to trust him. Stop being a worry wart.

Dear Blog II

2009-09-17T12:04:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog,
I know it has been a while since I have written in you, but you must understand that I am very busy. I don't have much to say these days, well at least not at the moment. But once I do I will continue to place my fingers on the keys and write something worthy of being posted within the world wide web.
This year at Biola is vastly different from the previous one. It is like night and day. I have changed, my life has changed and the people around me have changed. It is sad watching people change for the worst, after knowing their full potential you see how they are tossing it aside and adopting a new self. I have come to the conclusion that people are effected by their surroundings. We are easily influenced by our peers even if we deny it. I have seen two friends of mine change and I know it is because of who they are around. This is why I believe it is extremely important to surround oneself with a healthy community.
Life is great, God is blessing me and so many amazing opportunities are arising. I am excited for the coming months to see what will happen.

The Fox and Bird

2009-08-30T16:09:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a gopher, actually it was a fox.

so there was this fox who went to work at a wine cellar very far away

and when this fox was away, he made many many friends

a donkey, some pigs, a pigeon

and a snowy owl who gave him support and encouragement

well one day a little bird and the fox began to hang out

and they became really good friends

and every day at the wine cellar they would talk during their break

well sadly it came time for the fox to leave the comforts of the cellar and return to life in busy bollywood

where he was studying stuff

while the fox was with his friends, he realized something

he realized that the bird was the most legit bird he has ever met

soon he decided he needed to talk to her

so he bought a train ticket and set forth for the wine cellar

much to his surprise, the bird was busy with other things and could not see him until a later day

so the fox put down the date in his PDA and made plans for that day

a week went by and the fox and bird finally got the chance to speak

he told her everything while the sipped on butterbeer

she needed to think

and so she did

then after a long week

the fox got his answer

Fin

Adjustment

2009-08-26T17:12:00.000-07:00

Summer went by in a flash and now I am back at Biola. It's been weird, being back at a place that is so familiar yet so much has changed. I'm in the adjustment stage, adjusting from camp life to school life. I'm living in a new room, with two new guys, with a job and a new schedule. Today the only class I had, had 201 people in it, it was crazy. I'm supposed to be at work right now, but thanks to some misinformation, I cannot work until the paperwork is filled out. That sucks. So now I must wait for the mail and hang out with friends and of course have a class or five. Welcome back to Biola.

Jetpacls Snorrr

2009-08-21T12:40:00.000-07:00

My car is all packed, I'm playing bloons tower defense 3 and listen to the rocket summer. I'm ready for school, it was nice seeing friends and seeing how they are doing really well; it was encouraging. I don't know what to write, life is good, I leave tomorrow at 8 am, then the madness of moving in begins; that is one thing I am not looking forward to. Life this coming school year is going to be different. I will have a job and I'm living with two new guys and I'm living on a different end of the hall. Not to mention all the sweet friends that I made at camp that go to my school, being able to see them and hang out is going to be grand. Well that's all I wanted to say for now, talk to ya'll later.

Gold Band of Brothers

2009-08-17T16:11:00.000-07:00

The wedding bells ring
another baby screams and it is welcomed into the world
all these boys meeting these girls
getting down on knees offering rings saying
"will you do the honor or marrying me?"
they reply with tears in their eyes
"yes!"
and so it begins, goodbye my friends
the tables are set
the flowers placed in a vase
a card is set out in the mail please save the date
she walks down the isle
white dress and all
they stand face to face
he puts the ring on her finger
for a moment his gaze lingers
the vows exchanged
and kiss planted on the lips
and thus it begins
a life or marital happiness.

The Ruby Red Slippers Have Finally Clicked.

2009-08-15T16:50:00.000-07:00

I am finally at home. After a week of traveling and crazy adventures in Tahoe and mineral lakes; I am finally back home. My time at camp ended last Saturday, so that night I drove home only to wake up and drive to Tahoe. After spending two days in Tahoe, I drove to this random lake and went on a houseboat trip. It was relaxing at first, but I needed to be home and so I left and now I am in my own room, I can sleep in my own bed all alone with no interruptions. I will have this for a week, then I return to southern California, for my last full year of college; here's hoping it is a good one.

August the Second

2009-08-02T09:59:00.000-07:00

I have two more weeks to go and its over. I'm anxious to return to school and to not be at camp. It's not that I don't like camp, its far from the truth; it's just that I am tired of being dirty and sleeping among spiders. Two weeks ago if you asked me if I want to come back and counsel again I would have told you no. My answer would have most likely been "if I come back next summer, I want to be on program staff." Well now I don't know what I want anymore because the idea of another counseling summer doesn't seem half bad. We will see what happens in the next two weeks and what I am feeling come time to apply.
This week I am co counseling with a guy who is completely different from me in nearly every aspect. I am excited for it, interested to see whats going to happen and how the cabin dynamic will play out. To add to the craziness we have primaries which are the youngest campers at camp ranging in age from first graders to third. It's going to be a great week and I'm looking forward to what's going to happen.
I believe what I am feeling right now is healthy. I'm ready for this summer to come to a close. I've had some great times here but now I sense that it is time to move on, to move back to school and get ready for the next chapter. I would love to come back next year with whatever role is given to me. But as for right now I will continue to sit in this coffee shop and stare at the hills covered in fog.

Felton is for Lovers

2009-07-19T10:44:00.000-07:00

This morning as I sat in the staff lounge I wished I was in Livermore, driving around main street with the windows down. I miss the familiar, I miss knowing the area and having time to rest. Camp is great and I'm glad I'm doing something meaningful with my summer, but still I miss the tri-valley at times. Right now I'm sitting in a coffee shop in Felton. There is a cast of characters around me, from an 60 year old man with long grey hair, to a lady shaking her juice bottle violently and waiting for her chess opponent to arrive. Week 6 begins today, Sunday is my least favorite day at camp I think. I hate the feeling of sitting there waiting for campers to show up then having awkward conversations with the parents. Plus on Sunday's you have no idea what the cabin is going to be like, or what will happen while you sleep its nerve racking. Also on Sunday's you have to be a jerk so the kids don't walk all over you. I have a counselor in leadership training this week, which basically is a high school student (or recent high school grad) who wants to be a counselor some day. So that should be interesting and fun. There is a crazy sickness going around, so everytime someone coughs or sneezes I freak out. Hopefully it passes soon.
Well I must be going until next time.
with love from Felton

Little Mermaid Berkley Bigfoots.

2009-07-07T10:14:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I last typed. My last cabin was amazing, I really liked them. The boys loved talking about three things: monkeys, farting, and pies. We would tell stories and in each of the stories a monkey would eat beans and need to fart, or something like that. Last week was a shorter week, so camp was over on Thursday and the weekend was when the adventures begun. On Thursday we went to Carmel and walked around the very expensive shops where clothes cost more than cars. Friday I went to Berkley and played guitar on a street corner with two guys from camp. We made about 30 dollars in less than an hour. Then that night we spent the night in Berkley after driving around Oakland looking for the freeway entrance. Saturday we woke up, watched the rest of The Little Mermaid, then headed back to Santa Cruz. We ended up going to tree 9 and the wishing tree, then after that we walked through a cemetery and lastly we went to the bigfoot discovery center. Felton is a amazingly bizarre place that captivates me. Camp is good I'm considering coming back next year. Until next time, keep it fresh!

Week One: Vomit, Ghosts, and Back Talk

2009-06-28T08:45:00.000-07:00

My first week of counseling is over, thank goodness. I hands down had one of the worst cabins, many of the other staff vocalized that to me. Here is a recap of the week.
An hour in I have a kid puke his guts out on the way to the nurses station. Before that he and another camper told me that I was a terrible counselor. That night a kid lost his tooth and another camper told me that he sees ghost and that the ghost talk to him. Naturally that camper picked the bed right above me, so the whole first night I was preparing myself to be woken up by this camper telling me that he sees a ghost.
The week then continued with them complaining, asking stupid questions, yelling at me, questioning everything I said, and just being turds. When I would tell one camper to do something, he would reply "gees someone is pushy" which made me want to slap him. That cabin is gone and the new one will arrive shortly, let's pray they are civilized.

An Update from Under the Redwoods

2009-06-19T14:40:00.000-07:00

My first week at camp was full of going to the tide pools, meetings, swimming, going through the ropes course, and various other things. This week was the first official week of camp and it was a nice welcome to see kids on the grounds.
Here are some highlights from the week
-breaking into the kitchen because the door was locked
-chasing squirrels out of the kitchen
-going to downtown santa cruz
-Awkward talent show
-the night game
and other things that i can't think of right now. I made up a song the first week that became a hit and me and these two other guys look alike, so we tell the kids that we are brothers. We say we are the Treesap brothers from South Carolina. I've been catering this week, so every time a camper ask me whats for dinner i say "monkey brains and hippo burgers". An entire girls cabin is obsessed with me. I used a funny voice one day and its been down hill from there. They always say hi to me and now they are asking for my sweater and autograph. Well I'm going to go, Sunday I get a cabin of my own, I'm pretty excited.

H.A.G.S

2009-06-06T13:26:00.001-07:00

I'm off to camp.

Summer Phase 2

2009-06-05T13:47:00.000-07:00

My Summer is divided. I arrived in Livermore on May 20th and I've been there relaxing, hanging out with friends and getting ready for my next great adventure; Redwood camp. I leave tomorrow to work as a counselor in the Santa Cruz mountains. I will be there until August, which then gives me a week before I leave for school. It's crazy but so exciting.
I have that feeling that one has before they start a new grade in Elementary school. The anxiety, the nerves, the excitement, the wonder if they will have friends or what will happen. In many ways I have the same feelings as my campers will have, which I think is good because I can better relate. Tomorrow at this time, I will be leaving for camp. Let's hope I can find my way and that I won't get lost.

Taste Like Bears

2009-06-04T09:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to Berkeley with a good friend from school Luke. Luke lives about 30 minutes from me, so we met half way and then set off for Berkeley. The week before my mom told me that I am banned from going to Berkeley, for fear of me getting tattoos and piercings. Well I went to Berkeley regardless of the ban. We met up and headed towards Berkeley. The weather was wonderful and as we first entered the car, I found some Cds owned by Luke's Mother. Naturally we put on Clay Aiken and drove around feeling really gay. After that, I changed Cd's to put on the best if the 80's collection and we listen to about 40 seconds on "Celebrate" by Kool and the Gang. Luke wasn't feeling that so I put on Motion City Soundtrack and all was well.
We arrived at Berkeley and set forth toward the campus. We walked around random buildings then went into the library's reading room where several bums were taking naps. We started making stupid jokes about how everything smells like a bear, taste like a bear, or looks like a bear. We then joined a random tour and walked around with them until we got bored. The we found another group and was about to do the same, but alas we did not. We then headed back towards Telegraph Ave but aparently we were farther into the campus then previously thought. We made it out and walked down Telegraph. After going to Buffalo Exchange, we headed back to the car. As we walked down the street, two bum punks yelled "high-five" so naturally I gave them one. After that one of them said "we need human touch!" and that made me uneasy. We reached the parking garage and realized we did not validate our parking ticket and being the poor college kids we are, we needed to get it validated. So we went to this t-shirt shop and I got a shirt for 5 dollars and went back to pay. When we reached the payment station, it cost only 2 dollars. SCORE! It was awesome and a great day in Berkeley.
Once home I ate some pizza then watched as the blue skies turned into an awesome thunderstorm.

My New Enemy

2009-05-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

I have a new enemy. The bastard western scrub jay who stands on the fences outside my window and squawks at ungodly hours of the morning. Twice he has done this. Twice he has found some sort of sick enjoyment from waking me up, well my blue feathered friend, choose your actions wisely. This is war.

Summer Thus Far

2009-05-26T21:27:00.000-07:00

I've been home for approximately 6 days. I came home last Wednesday, then went to SLO with some rather sweet 8th graders. Its been rather uneventful so far. Most of my friends have finals that they are studying for, or they are being flakes. A whole heckof a lot has been on my mind lately. I don't feel like talking about it. T-minus 11 days until I leave for camp. I'm both excited and nervous. I've been listening to folk punk all day for the most part and I love it. I love the honesty in the music, how it has a message and meaning behind it. These artist don't care about making tons of money or being the next big thing; all they want to do is make music. They sing songs about the things they care about, they want to instill change; in conclusion, its awesome and I'm really digging it. I've been thinking about getting a tattoo lately. I have what I want figured out for the most part now all I need to do is summoning the guts to actually do it. I will most likely think about it a lot more before I do it. Plus I also need to get the parents a-ok. Tomorrow I go to the dentist, eww. I'm going outside to eat ice cream.

A Relection

2009-05-13T12:52:00.001-07:00

My first year at Biola University is quickly coming to a close. Tonight is my last night, my summer is just around the corner. Tonight I will pack up my things and drive back to the Bay Area until August rolls around. It's been a great school year, with all it's ups and downs as you have probably read. I am so glad that I got the opportunity to come to this great university and I'm excited for the upcoming year. Here are some highlights from the past year.

-getting a pet duck/goose and naming it Jerome
-getting a Disney pass
-going on the freeway when it was closed
-camping out in the desert
-the walk to remember
-my roommate David reading How to Talk to Girls to us right before we went to sleep
-rooming with David and Ben
-meeting amazing people
-riding to the beach
-Jax's Donuts
-not having a job
-getting an A- on a paper
-riding fixies and hopping train cars with Jaxon
-late nights in the gayest room in the world
-totally owning my Comm Theory exam!
-swimming in the campus pool
-random dance parties
-spontaneous trip to San Diego
-falling on my face
-deck the Haven
-the Getty
-gyrad's (get your roommate a date) even though they can be so awkward
-growing closer to God.
-learning more about Him and His word
-meeting people that will challenge me spiritually
-learning to trust Him more
-singspo

and that is all I can think of at the moment. All and all it's been a good first year. I'm excited to see what will happen next year, who I will meet and what friendships will grow. I'm also excited to see how I will be used and what the floor will look like. There is that anxiety that comes along with living with new people and the general unknown, but I know it is going to be good. As of right now my roommate and I are switching off playing songs for each other in celebration of the summer and killing tests. I must be going, goodbye room 142, goodbye Haven, see you on the other side of summer.

Terradactyl Droppings

2009-05-11T16:45:00.001-07:00

One of my biggest pet peeves is birds pooping on my car. It seems like every time I was my car, the next day a bird disides to "releave" themselves all over my car. I needed to go to the library to return a book (Harry Potter!) and get a new one (Harry Potter!!) so I walked to my car and saw a sight that I have never seen before. There she was, my car, windshield covered in bird poop. Not just little spots mind you, no, no, no, no, large mounds of bird dung. Mounds of red, white, brown, and a shade of green; streaming down the front of my windshield, splattering the sides and defacing everything. There are some pictures

So after discovering this, I drove to the nearest steam powered car wash I could find to spray the living day lights out of these turds! Before I left, I went to my room, changed my clothes and stole a towel that has been in the bathroom for over a month and then drove to wash my car. I was 50 cents short, but this nice gentlemen gave me some change. Then I proceeded to spray away. But not even the high powered pressure sprayer worked. So after scrubbing and scrubbing away, my car was clean. What did I learn from all this? That birds have no respect for people's property and just crap where ever the hell they feel like.

Mom, Dad, I'm dropping out of school and becoming a superhero.

2009-05-04T12:23:00.000-07:00

I have found my Calling.

This is my inspiration

The Walk to Remember

2009-04-29T20:26:00.000-07:00

The best adventures begin at Denny's.
It's Friday, around 1 am. Some friends and myself decide to go to the Denny's that we often frequent late at night or early in the morning (depending on how you look at it). We arrive at Denny's and begin to dine on pancakes, eggs, sausages, and English muffins; all the while laughing and drinking hot coco. I having had a bad day, was longing for some adventure. I suggested to my friend that we walk back. Keep in mind that Denny's is nearly 4 miles away. He agreed and we convinced my other friend to walk back with us. Our two other friends drove back like sissy little Nancy boys (pathetic). And so at 3am we began to walk down Imperial Highway.
The walk was rather quiet, except for the occasional semi or car to pass us by. We asked deep questions, told stories, laughed, and had an all around gay ol' time; much like the Flintstones.
We were nearly halfway back our adventure truly began.
We passed an apartment complex and on the sidewalk we saw a large metal tin full of dog food. Naturally we picked up the tin saying that we will spread the kibble all around campus, watching as stray dogs from all around the neighborhood came to feast. It was a glorious idea and we all became rather excited. We walked through a Marshalls parking lot and found a large blue bench sitting there unchained. I approached the bench to see if I could move it, we could and that's when my friend got the idea to carry it back and use it for his dorm room. His roommate was with us and he agreed that it was a great idea. So the both of them picked up the bench while I put the kibble in a shopping cart. We walked across the vacant parking lot, the two of them carrying the bench and I following with the shopping cart. This bench was no little bench. It had 4 seats and was about 8 feet long and weighed about 30 pounds. The whole time I was thinking what would happen if a cop saw us walking with this bench. Well I didn't have to wonder anymore.
We reached the end of the parking lot, when we saw a cop car drive by on the street in front of us. It quickly turned on its light and turned into the parking lot. The officer pulled up to as and began to walk.
"What is that sh-- you got there?" He asked
"It's a bench" my friend said matter of factly.
"What the hell are you doing with it?"
"We are going to take it back to school."
My friend then explained how we went to Biola and that we went to Denny's for the night and decided to walk back and not drive. The cop then asked where we found the bench and my friend explained. Finally the cop asked why we were taking it.
"We are taking it for our room next year" my friend said pointing to his current roommate.(note: it was suggested by them that I live with them instead of going to another dorm. so as my friend said that I said "What about me?"
"I thought you didn't want to room with us?"
"Well I don't know..." We then continued to discuss the matter while the cop just sat there. Finally the cop asked us how we are going to get it back to school.
"Carry it" my friend said, "Do you want to help us, it's pretty heavy." The cop said nothing. Finally the cop talked us out of carrying back the bench, stating that we looked stupid and that the idea was stupid. So we placed the bench where we found it and continued walking back to school.
Across the street from the Marshalls parking lot, was a church and next to the church was a middle school that just so happened to have a carnival. We walked around exploring the carnival, then left because these dogs were barking. Then we walked around the church and climbed stairs and hung out on this balcony. After getting bored of that, we once again headed off on our journey.
We walked along mostly in silence besides us talking. We heard a rooster crow and yelled that it was three hours early. As we walked, I found a floor rug with two kola's on it. Since one of our RA's had a picture of Kola's on his board, we took it back for him. As we walked we heard some guys call after us. We looked across the street and see two guys running towards us and shouting. They ran across Imperial Highway, dodging traffic, hoods up, yelling after us. Once they crossed the street, they yelled to us a final time and I said
"Hey what's up?"
"You guys want some beer?"
"Awww no thanks."
"Ya sure bro?"
"Oh yeah, thanks for the offer but we are just around the corner."
"Alright" And they walked away, drunk.
We made it back to campus safe and sound. We went to bed wondering what will happen the next time we venture to Denny's.

Four Down in 4 Weeks

2009-04-24T17:56:00.000-07:00

The first one left roughly three weeks ago, the second a week and a half later. Things were alright, things were okay. I had a roommate, a place to stay. Until today.
In less then a month I've lost three roommates. Honestly that must be some kind of record. I just remember that I told some guy that I can't room with him, make that 4. Four roommates, four weeks, and now I am alone. I could go to the guy that I told I cannot room with, but he already has a roommate. See this is what happens when you put your hope in people, when you put all your trust in man. You end up all alone wondering just what the hell you are going to do.
This really sucks, this really, really, really, really, really, really, really REALLY sucks! Just last night I was thinking about how much fun I'm going to have next year, about how great the floor is going to be and how blessed I am to be up there, that God would allow that.
Well little did I know.
I have no idea what I'm going to do, only time will tell.

Wizard

2009-04-18T20:42:00.000-07:00

I'm watching Harry Potter right now and no I do not look like Ronald Weasley! But I truly do wish that my mail was delievered by an Owl and that I was a wizard. I wonder if Hogwarts accepts transfers? HMMMM....
My dad just gave me 100 dollars, holla! I've been on spring break this past week and it was been grand. It was a healthy balance of homework and socializing. I spent a good amount of time catching up on TV shows and descovering new music. I also went to San Francisco for a day and almost pierced my ears in Berkeley. Towards the end of the week I began to get sick and tired of doing homework and began to get extremely bored. I got so bored, that I even wished that I was still working at Starbucks and that I still had a job. I realized how crazy that was and went back to doing nothing. I head back to school tomorrow, I'm ready and looking forward to it. Monday and Tuesday of next week will be my busiest days, but they shouldn't be too crazy. CRAP! I just realized that I have a test on Tuesday and homework due. O fiddle sticks!
Over winter break, I created a music page on myspace. I uploaded some songs not thinking much of it, mostly doing it for fun. Well in the last two weeks, I've been approached to play two different shows at two different venues in the LA area. It's been sweet and surprising. I sadly can't play either of the date, but I told the bookers that I want to play shows and to keep me updated. So we will see, who knows, maybe I will be the next Bright Eyes, just not as depressing.
I pierced my lip on my birthday but it wasn't healing right and so I took it out last night. I was trying to sleep but all I could think about was the possible infection and how my body was rejecting the metal. I wanted to keep it in one more day, just so girls would see me and think I was sexy. But alas the thought of living a life without lips overpowered the potential to be sexy.
Its been a nice break home, but now its time to say bye-bye to the Bay and hello LA.

O, What's In a Name

2009-04-14T09:38:00.000-07:00

I'm working at a camp this summer, so I need a camp nickname. I have narrowed it down to 2 choices.

1. Kerouac
2. Hecka

thoughts? Let me know what you think.