This Stagnant Place and Time

I am in a weird stage in life. Many of my friends are getting engaged or having infants, while the other half are still in college and attempting to figure out what to do for the summer. I attend a small group where most of the people are older than me. As we go around talking about our weeks, they remark about how work is or how they are looking for a new house. When I call my friends at Biola, they discuss how classes are and the papers they must write or the exam they must study for. I feel out-of-place while speaking with both parties. I don't belong in college and I don't belong in the grown-up world.

Often there are times when I want to fast forward, move forward till I'm happily married with a Shiba Inu puppy; but alas I cannot. I am fighting this monster of discontent, a battle with a beast that tells me I need to be somewhere else at someplace else in time. That I need to be older or long for the past. That I must pine for a place to call home. That I am not satisfied with what I have. I feel like a bastard bitchy brat, stomping my feet, causing a ruckus, demanding that things be different, and that things change for me. In this war, the beast of discontent is winning.

It is so hard to make friends with post-college people, they are so foreign and boring. Their humor is different, they are settling down, the fun seems to be sucked out of them. No more late nights, no more spontaneous adventures, no more sneaking into hotel swimming pools, theme parks, museums, or zoos. If becoming boring is what happens when one gets married, then I refuse to be wed! I will have a domestic partnership and forgo the whole ceremony. It appears that post-college individuals associate themselves and their identities in their careers. I do not want my job to define me, I want to have more to speak of rather than what happened at work or what my job is like.

I suppose the reason why I am so discontent, is because I know that there are better things out there. There is a better place to live, there is a better place to work, there are better ways to spend my time. I just feel stagnant, not moving towards something. But one poses the question: is it possible to be stagnant when so much of your character is growing?